Aug 17

I failed my Psychiatry exam, and this was my journey…

—–

The Journey – 070116
Personally, one of the most devastating news I have had for myself. I cannot believe it. In fact, of all subjects, Psychiatry? This time bound post is my journey of that 1+ months after knowing I have failed my exam, to the time of my supplemental exams.

That 1 clinical exam, I didn’t know what happened. Got a clear fail and the simulated patient he wouldn’t want me as his doctor. Wow. Never in my lifetime would I think I would have gotten such a comment. Worse part is, I don’t know what I did that got to that. I even remembered coming out of the exam perfectly fine, and it wasn’t even the toughest exam to begin with!

Now eyes from the other side. The joy and elation of others moving on to final year while your excitement has been stalled adding on the worry of possibly repeating the whole year, which by the grace of God will not happen to me.

Why does this have to happen now, why me, what went wrong with me, are all questions I can’t answer. But now I just have to take out that big fat book which I hoped to have stored away, and dig into it again.

Its easy to always tell cell that God is good despite your circumstances, well God is! And nothing is going to change that. And I’m holding on to Him all the more.

I wonder what God is wanting to teach me this summer holidays. Not so much a holiday anymore anyway.

—–
The Journey – 050716
Sleepless nights. Or rather hard-to-sleep nights. Throughout the day I’m not too bad, but when I hit the bed, thoughts of how on earth I could have failed, my friends enjoying out there, the things I wanted to do but cannot do.. List goes on and on.

Up to now I have never told anyone I’ve failed except one or two who wouldn’t say anything to anyone. Most still don’t know. Then it bugs me cause I say I’m busy and they are like, “aren’t you on holiday?”. It’s painful, but I haven’t had the heart to tell it to anyone yet. I’m just imagining the shock and possible disappointment in them.

But now I really start to wonder, what is God saying in all these? What’s His game plan here?

Nonetheless, study mode is on, if I’m going to do this again, I want to ace it, not scrap through. (Though final results will just say pass).

Lord, help me.
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The Journey – 070616
Sleepless nights. Now for another reason. My time was not meant to be spent this way!!

It’s sad, I was prepared to do many things, meet many people. Now even if I do those, I do it with a heavy heart, I do it with a lingering supplemental exam thought in my head. Gah!

Lecturers have been supportive. No one can figure out how I got here, but everyone expects me to just fly through the exam. I’m confident I can, but pressure is just still there, can’t shake it.

I just want to get this over with, quick.

—–
The Journey – 010816
It is one week away! Classes and revision and practices has so far been alright. Refreshing myself on many aspects and things I may have forgotten.

Having said that, with 1 week left, its beginning to be daunting again. The thought of the possibility of failing, the thought of repeating the year, all these while at the same time seeing post and emails regarding the year ahead.

But today I began praying again (oops, confession) and the one thing that prevailed throughout my time in God’s presence was rest and peace.

At the end of the day, no matter what the circumstance, abide in Him.

——
The Journey – 070816
After all the chilling, only the day before I suddenly became so stressed.

How I know? I scratch. So when I take bath I can feel it’s slightly painful due to some small open wounds.

But I hate exam stress, worse still when it is an exam I truly really cannot afford to fail.

But my hope and trust is in the Lord, from Him I draw my strength.

Tomorrow is the day I’ve been waiting to get over with, tomorrow, I overcome! By the strength of the Holy Spirit!

—–
The Journey – 170816
It has been a long wait. Though I knew I did well in my exams, but until I actually see the results, I can’t be satisfied.

But thanks be to God! Who has provided a way and brought me through to the end!

Now, I can call myself a final year med student. But nah I’d rather not, too much stress. Haha..

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Aug 29

Typical me, its been 9 months since my last post and haven’t written one bit! But think about it, its already 8 months into 2015. 4 more to go, and what has happened so far?

Basically things just went crazy lah, but exciting.

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1. I began doing my hospital attachments
ABSOLUTELY not used to it, but ABSOLUTELY more exciting than sitting in class. I have this fear of beginning conversations with patients, but once I do, and if they’re nice, I get along quite well, though my history taking and examination skills definitely have much to work on. I think what was even more exciting was the opportunity to pray for some of them. I remember clearly this one lady, shared about her illness, then began to share about her husband’s cancer and how both their illnesses were affecting their children. I knew I just had to pray for her, and when I did, she just crying and crying and crying.

Whether you like it or not, there is more than physical illnesses in the hospitals. Brokenness all around in people’s lives, sometimes even in the doctors, whether you see it or not. But this is fertile ground to build boldness for me, and I want to press in, pray for more people, touch their lives with the love of Jesus. So so.. EXCITING!

2. Street Evangelism
In 2014, we watched a film called Father of Lights. It basically just showed people being used by God to reach out to what people may think are the unreachable. I mean, we’re talking about devout Hindu priests, big time gangsters who have done jail times, and even simply random people they meet on the streets. Would we do it? Yeah! Maybe one day, one day in the not-so-near future.

But God had other plans. We were connected with an amazing man of God, John dip Silas. And we found out that actually have been going out on the streets for 2-3 years already, just simply praying for people, talking to them, and by the power of God, healing their sicknesses! These kind of things are so much easier to do with a bunch of people, thank God for them. So we thought we should just “check it out” and see what or how they do it. My first time joining them and when this guy had pain leave his body, I felt God just said to me, “this is your new normal“. Bam! What was supposed to be a one time event, became an every week thing, and for many of us, we try to make it a daily lifestyle. From their usual 5-10 people, we now have about 80-90 people coming and joining every week, all from different churches, backgrounds and what not, with just one goal in mind, bring the love and power of Christ to people.

So what have I seen? Countless of people’s pain leaving, and when you ask them the week after, they’d tell you their pain never came back! I’ve personally seen a guy with a right-sided blind eye open! And have heard many many other testimonies of healings, such as broken/crooked arms made straight, legs straightening out and lengthening. What more? Many lives invaded with the light of Christ, that people cannot help but to cry, to accept Jesus as their Saviour. For me, its beginning to be countless, and I’m asking God for more amazing, creative miracles! I pray that I will never lose the wonder of how great God is!

—–

So basically with these 2, plus my ongoing church small group responsibilities, I was swamped.

But what else happened?

—–

3. Nepal!
I’ve always wanted to join my dad on one of his mission trips, and finally I did! Amazing time of learning and exposing myself to new things, new cultures. So much to say but don’t know how to, so you just got to ask me.

—–

God has been so so good. Revealing more of Himself, pouring out His love and presence in my everyday, and transforming me from the inside out. I know its God when I just reflect on how good He is, and I can just began to cry. When I realize darkness in my life and when His light suddenly reveals it to me, bam! I’m undone, I cannot help but just cry knowing that despite all that, He loves me, He is still drawing me closer to Him. This love is powerful, its more than I can ever ask for, but whether you like it or not, you and I need it. If you have not known Him personally, I urge that you do! And if already have accepted Him as your Lord, don’t stop there, you and I can never have enough of Him.

Here’s to the rest of the year, to a very extremely powerful ending to this year.

And Bersih4 is happening in about 2 hours, pray for Malaysia!

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Jan 01

Even as we all part ways with 2014, the “This Is It” series are all about the things I’ve had to let go. You can read about my letting go of 2014 here.

But another one thing that I have had to let go, is my Perdana University Christian Fellowship. You can read my first post about it here, and how it was all illegal and how we still kept pressing on, and being a blessing to my university.

I thank God, I truly truly thank God for how He has guided my team and I through the past 1.5 years. Always providing resources, and the right people at the right time, despite weird schedules, somehow everything ends up falling into place, and my prayer was that people grew more in the Lord, that people fostered a better relationship with one another. Most importantly, to be able to let go, and how God led us to select out the next leader, was to me, amazing enough, and I trust that God will lead them every step just as He had led me.

But what I’m going to share here is just something simple, something that comforted me more than I could have imagined.

When we were choosing the next leader, we came to a conclusion (with various facts and as God led) to choose a guy named Solomon to be the next leader. So when decided, the next day, I went to approach him and asked whether he’d be willing to take up the offer. As expected, there was no immediate yes, and he had serious legit concerns about taking up such a leadership. So like with any other situation, we both agreed to go back and to continue to pray about it. Thankfully, 2/3 days later, he agreed and I started passing down things to him and imparting what my vision was for CF.

But on his end, it was quite interesting. He just happened to start reading Joshua, and days before I asked him Joshua 1:5 popped out to him. It reads, “No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.“. At first it stood out but didn’t make much sense, but then after I asked him to take leadership, this verse came back to him, and he held on to it even as he made that decision.

But funny enough, it didn’t just speak to him, it spoke to me too. The verse gave him strength and courage to make that decision, but for me, it gave me peace, and assurance and a whole lot of comfort, that whatever I did, God was really with me. *phew* In leadership, there are good and bad days, and good days you can just somehow know that God is working. But bad days and uncertain times, though knowledge wise you know God is there, but with the choices and decisions and hindrances that come your way, it can be tough to know whether God was the one leading, or was it all out of my own strength. This verse, assured me of all that. And Jesus, thank You, thank You so so so much.

Its not that I didn’t make any mistakes, its not that everything went perfectly, but to just know that God was there throughout the whole time, that every  mistake had a reason or maybe could have been worse, and every good thing was hopefully to its best, that I’m sure lives were impacted and touched, and hopefully changed, that was to me, God being with me the whole time. Prepared me for things that were to come and to deal with issues that came up, it was also God’s plan for the start.

And at the end, the last revelation I just suddenly realized as I was conversing with a friend, was that Moses never saw the promised land. Moses never fought certain battles that took control of the promised land, and to be rested in the promises of God, yet, he could only see it from a distance, a glimpse of what is to come. This semester, 2 things that kept ringing in my mind is this: Salvations and Miracles. I was so eager to see people come to know the Lord and accept Him as their Lord and Saviour, and secondly miracles happening right in university, especially supernatural healings. Why should it be impossible? And I still feel till today, that it will happen. But if it doesn’t happen in my time, just like Moses, I pray that Solomon (Joshua), will see what God implanted to me (if it was from God), and move in the power of the Holy Spirit, and if so, trust me, mark my words, Perdana University will be the MOST sought after medical university Malaysia has seen. Not because of the programs and the fantastic teachers that are there, but because of the power of God at work in the lives of every student, faculty and staff.

I have let go of responsibility, but my passion for CF and the work of God through it, has never died, rather it burns even more, even as I write this.

Thank you Jesus, for guiding my team and I, for those amazing 1.5 years, please, guide the next team too.

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Dec 31

This, was my 2014.

I started off this year on a high. I felt 2013 ended well as I talked about “Being the Better Man” and I felt like I entered 2014 all charged up, all ready to take on the year! Then my birthday came, my 21st birthday. Family planned a surprise, uni friends planned another surprise, and with loads of gifts and wishes, it was really one birthday I could not forget. You could read it all here! But if anything at all, coming to a close, I just wanted to say I’m truly sorry if somewhere along the year, I have offended you, or in whatever way become someone I shouldn’t have been. This feeling or thought came even as I was reorganizing the stuff in my room, and coming across this book filled with birthday wishes this year, and those who wrote more than just “Happy Birthday”, wrote words of thanks, gratitude and appreciation for who I was. Then as I looked back, I could only think of all the events that I wasn’t who they seem to say I was, and for that, I am truly sorry.

The other high note was being awarded the Dean’s Award! Its not an academic award, it was an award by voting. I am truly grateful for what my class did for me. You can read how I felt here. But this also brings me to my earlier part, where though at the start of the year being given an award for “Most Outstanding Contribution to Student Life”, I felt like somehow along the way throughout the year, I didn’t perform as well, didn’t do as much, didn’t produce enough/satisfactory results. All of which again, I am truly sorry for.

My 2nd year 2nd semester wasn’t particularly too tough, though didn’t exactly get the results I was hoping for, nonetheless, survived. Nuff said. Haha

But one of the things that happened even in that period, was the passing of one of my lecturers, Prof Hemantha (or we call him, Prof H). If there was anything I would remember of him (aside from the way he says ‘Sarawak’, always gives us a laugh each time he says it), would be his passion for the speciality in public health. It was definitely a module that most students didn’t enjoy taking, but when you talk to him about what he does, or what he did in the past, it just gets you so excited. What was also really beautiful was after his passing, someone started a Facebook page dedicated to him and for people all around the world, to share stories of their experiences with him. I tell you, just reading some of these stories can make you cry. One I remember clearly was a story of how they woke him out of bed, then he quickly ran to the guy who was choking, opened his mouth, saw the fishbone, put his fingers in and pulled it out! Quite literally, saved a man’s life. He was really, such an amazing figure. You can read some of these stories here.

Of course then, one of the greatest journeys I have had in my life, was what I called, Wander 2014. I was granted the opportunity to conduct a research in Dublin, Ireland, but since I was already at that side of the world, I got to visit parts of the UK and Ireland! It was always my dream to travel overseas and study and this came real close to it. I thank God for the amazing friends and relatives I have and made along the way, who really helped me out throughout my time there and shown me life as it is in that part of the world. What was interesting was that I found a postcard from my brother, 9 years ago, telling me how nice London is, and at the end he said, “come here next time!“. Who’d knew, 9 years later, I did!

London

Postcard from Wai Nyan, 9 years ago.

You can read the many accounts of my travels and see some pictures in the links below :)
Wander 2014
Wander 2014 – London Part 1
Wander 2014 – Dublin Part 1
Wander 2014 – Dublin, Wicklow, Kilkenny Part 2
Wander 2014 – Dublin, Galway Part 3
Wander 2014 – Dublin, The Giant’s Causeway Part 4
Wander 2014 – Dublin, *and a whole lot of places* Part 5
Wander 2014 – Dublin Part 6
Wander 2014 – Edinburgh, Aberdeen, Oban, Inverness
Wander 2014 – Guernsey, Jersey
Wander 2014 – London Part 2, HOME

And then there were the smaller experiences, like being a part of the Student Representative Council (you can read my struggle here), how John Hopkins broke ties with my university and the response from the students were amazing (you can read it here), and how for the first time in my life, I actually made use of the number, 112 (you can read that here), of course not to mention CF! Earlier half of this year, my committee stepped up and started doing the sharing (which I’m totally proud of them for) and then the second half of the year we did ALPHA, and we had a nice time of fellowship, and food.

But among all these, nationwide news of bibles raids, and people saying really stupid stuff, and then up to today, 3 aviation disasters, and massive devastating floods, has really shaken Malaysia. As for each plane incident, the degree of separation of someone I knew got closer each time. First it was my brother’s friend’s friend. Then it was my friend’s friend, and then it was my friend’s father. Its sad yet at the same time very awakening, to realize how many (and sometimes even us) become desensitized towards devastating news. On an international scene, ISIS going rampant and its viral violent video of beheading, and ebola killing thousands, are just the few major saddest events that has occurred throughout the year. This really is a wake up call for most of us, and I pray that 2015 will get better, and if it doesn’t, that hopefully we will already be woken up, to put our hands and feet to work.

3rd year 1st semester. Toughest I have been through by far. And all I can pray for now is that my results come out good. But this is a checkpoint for me. 2 and a half years have passed since I started med school, this is my halfway mark! This checkpoint also marks the separation of my ‘pre-clinical’ and ‘clinical’ years, meaning that from next semester onwards, I’ll start to be based in the hospitals and its going to be a whole lot more practical based teaching. I’ve looked forward to med school all my life, and I’m looking forward to having patient contact, the very reason why I chose medicine.

I want to end this post on a high note. Again, I found this RM1 note among all the things I was looking through while rearranging my room. And I wrote on it, “like this guy (an arrow to a picture), its like he’s at a crossroad. That’s me. I have peace and rested-ness, but I still have decisions to make. I NEED GOD’s WISDOM… … DESPERATELY“.

I found this old RM1 note!

I found this old RM1 note!

It was one of the things we did in my lifegroup, and this was all before I started med school. 2.5 years down the line, I thank God, I truly, really, thank God, because He really gave me a lot of peace, and a lot of rest, to make decision I’ve made, to bring me to where I am today. I could only have done it with God’s wisdom, and many times, I was pretty desperate! But it all worked out, somehow. Its something I’ve learnt throughout these years, and its something I’ll rely on as I move into 2015, and even for the rest of my life. At the end of the day,  I’ll always be at a crossroad, I’ll always have to make decisions, but to continue to have that relationship with God, to continue to chase after Him and what He has in stored for me, I believe I won’t go wrong.

This Is It, 2014.

2015, I’m ready.

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Sep 23

So this was a first for me, to call an emergency number.

I did my 10k run and headed for dinner, alone, at a coffee shop in Serdang called Boh Loong. Had my usual rice and veges.. YUMsss. Then just when I was about to leave.. *BANG! chiinnggg chiingg changg chaangg* Immediately, more than half of the people in Boh Loong very quickly stood up and everyone just walked out to see what had happened.

I personally didn’t see it myself, but apparently 2 motorcycles clashed with each other and somehow it hit one of the girls on the motorcycle and she fell off hurting her backbone. In pain, she could not even sit up properly and kept crying whilst holding her back. Instinctively many people crowded around her, some looking more concern than others, and some just waiting for it to be over because the commotion was blocking their car. Anyway, it was an interesting experience for me, and these were the few little things I got from this little incident.

1. I SAW what it meant by diffuse responsibility, yet it could just be shock.
The young lady who fell and was in pain, was not alone. Her brother was there, panicking, unsure of what he had to do, of what he even wanted to do. The obvious, probably most important and simplest thing he knew how to do, “panggil ambulance! cepat! tolong panggil ambulance!”. Legit, but if he wasn’t calling, no one around seemed like they were calling. Everyone just standing around, watching, some maybe tried to help, but everyone was focused on the girl, no one really seemed to be taking out their phones to dial an emergency number. Now I’m not too sure whether they were all in shock and didn’t hear the brother shouting, or maybe no one just wanted to do it, ie diffuse responsibility. So, looking at how no one was doing it, I called in. I guess I may also know why some people don’t want to call, because in such a moment of panic, the only contact number you can give the ambulance, is not the brother’s, rather yours. This also means that then, you would have to stay through the whole thing and wait for the ambulance (and we have heard our own stories of how long ambulances can take) then only we can leave, that is, if one is responsible enough.

2. Medical students (or any other healthcare professional) would make the best ambulance callers.
You may have heard all those stories of those on the line asking too many questions, sometimes not understanding what the caller is saying, sometimes taking too long to respond, etc. To my surprise, none of that happen while I was doing it! But as I was thinking of it, I think I figured out why. I knew exactly what needed to be said, I knew exactly what was needed, why? because as a medical student, I was able to assess the situation to my limited capacity but still able to provide the necessary details for them to understand the problem. At times they did say “tunggu sekejab ya”, and well, I don’t exactly know what they were doing or why they had to do what they do, still, it was not that bad that it would kill someone.

3. Cultural and Religious issues can be a hindrance, to a certain extend, we should understand each other to know what to do in such situations.
She was a Malay. Now I had some experiences whereby Malay girls do not have any physical contact with non-Malay guys (though I’m not sure about Malay guys). So, what do I exactly do? Honestly I still don’t know the answer. But basically the problem was that because her backbone was affected, I wanted to assess how bad the injury might have been and wanted to test her senses and movements of her lower limb and arms. But technically, I can’t, if I wasn’t allowed to touch her, or could I?

4. Work on all your languages!
So if I couldn’t touch her, at least I could explain it simply and tell her brother what to do! But, though on the phone with the ambulance I was surprisingly so fluent in BM, but somehow when it came down to “how can I help the girl”, I was lost for words. I tried getting words out of my mouth but I just felt like I was gagged. These 2 scenarios combined (religious consideration and language barrier), I looked like a random busybody standing around, looking here and there, and the only connection I had with the victim was that I called the ambulance. I felt so helpless!

5. Ambulance was actually, in a rush!
I didn’t stay on because someone offered to send her straight to the hospital instead of waiting for the ambulance (which the police was quite pissed while whispering to me, “betul lah, dah panggil ambulance, tunggu lah. Sekarang jika pergi, ambulance datang dan tiada orang, itu jadi masalah” and then he shakes his head). So after she got into the car, I had no more reason to be there, I left. Then just after I left, I heard the sound of the ambulance, then when I saw it coming, it was rushing, honking, winded down the window and shouting at motorcyclist to give way. And I mean, no matter how long sometimes it might take to wait for the ambulance (by that time it was already about 10-15 minutes after I called), give them the benefit of a doubt that they are rushing, that they too care for the patients they are going to pick up, that they too have a heart for the weak and injured, rather than just keep insulting them for being slow and late.

It was a nice sight as those working at the stalls that night would actually let down their utensils and come and help or at least see what they can do. Many people were just standing around and some started to help by directing traffic. Nonetheless, people just don’t stand around watching someone injured for fun, so I would want to believe that though they did not do anything then, if anything were to happen and in need of their help, I’m sure they will step up to it.

Thus was an interesting night, unfortunate for the girl though, but the fact that after awhile she could sit up, stand up and get into the car though still in pain, I’m sure she’ll be just fine. The other 2 motorcyclist who caused the accidents were just standing around in shock. But I kesian them la cause everyone just kept pointing at them as if it was solely their fault, but I think the police were relatively nice to them la.

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Aug 21

With the recent news of the prestigious John Hopkins breaking affiliations with Perdana University Graduate School of Medicine (PUGSOM). My university has once again hit the headlines and smacked with all sorts of criticism and bombarded by friends and family with questions, worries and concerns.

Nonetheless, despite even the students’ own ‘grievances’, we still stand together as one.

Here are just 2 of the long post posted on FB which left me feeling secured in the fact that Perdana University’s students are just utterly amazing.

“I’m very sure that some if not all are disappointed with what has been said in the media. I urge all to maintain our heads high as individuals and rise up head and shoulders above the rest. It is in this time when people doubt our university, that we should strive even harder to achieve what we have always dreamed of. Let our university and AMC do their part and we do whatever we can to launch our university to greater heights. Network more, publish more, present more and go the extra mile to make a good name for ourselves in the hospitals.”

 

“It has been a day of anxiety and shock for most of us, and many of us feel the pain, sadness and confusion which has accompanied the news concerning Pugsom today. We stand together with them in the face of all these battering waves of bad news and sensationalism.

We might feel terrified of what the future holds for us; some of us might be thinking ‘How am I going to answer my friends if they ask me about Perdana?’; some of us might currently feel that we are standing on shaky ground; some of us might feel that the rest of the world thinks we would soon be holders of a banana certificate.

But dear fellow Perdanarians, tonight, as we retire to our beds, we urge all of you to be at peace, and to bear in mind that the power and fame of our Mater lies only in her children; she drives her power, not from her laurels of times past, but from the exploits of her children in the future to come.

Be at peace – worry no more. And remember that in such a time as this, the people who now wield the honour of Perdana, the shapers of Perdana’s fate, is no longer Hopkins, neither is it AMC, neither is it merely RCSI. The true standard-bearers of Perdana are her children – all of you. You may have felt that Perdana’s might came from her collaborations; but now we say unto you – nay, her might comes from her children and what they can do.

Good wine needs no bush.

Remember who you are, and what you stand for. It is now up to us to defend the integrity of this Institute. The days of trial may be upon us, and this duty now rests squarely upon our shoulders.

Be at peace, and tomorrow we shall awake with a new duty. A new reason to fight. A new ethos to unite us.

We stand together – and though the world may think us fools, we think not; but we shall defy empty words borne of sensation with sterling integrity and unassailable reputation. Here we stand united, and lest God wills otherwise, we are infallible as one.”

Amazing isn’t it?

The students uphold the standard and image of this university. We had to learn how to do so 3 years ago, we are doing it now, and we will continue to do it in the future. Our university management may have their weaknesses, but as you continue coming at us (especially us students) for ‘making the wrong choice by choosing PU’, all I will say is, just watch us coming at you in the hospitals.

They started this university and made mistakes along the way, but right now it doesn’t just belong to adults wanting to make money and supposedly “changing the landscape of malaysian healthcare system”. It belongs also to us students, your future doctors.

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Aug 21

I refer you back to an earlier post of mine, back in March 2011, when I was still studying A Levels at HELP University. Read it here!

After you’ve read it, and those who know that I have now taken up a position in my university student council as Vice President, I have just shot myself in the foot. OUCHHHHH

But that’s just it. I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to push myself to do more for the place God graciously gave me and led me to be in. I wanted to leave a mark.

The real question and challenge here is, in this kind of body/society, how can one make use of my current position to be an impact, to love, to care, to advance the kingdom of God, when there is so much mindsets and paradigms that needs to be broken, systems that need changing?

Just recently I was pretty agitated by a small issue. I pushed for my ideas because I had valid reasons for it, but people supposedly in charge didn’t like the idea because it was not “part of the system”. I would have left the matter as it is, except for the fact that now I know that they are not flexible. Worse still when at the beginning, we were elected to improve and to change the atmosphere in the way student activities are run and now telling me that systems cannot change. Anyway, so after that whole thing, I let it go. But then I was thinking about it again, and I asked myself, “what kind of character was I portraying?”. I’m not turning back on my idea that the system needs changing, yet how do I do it still maintaining the right posture and character?

Suddenly all I imagined myself doing in the council comes crashing down. Because I realize that the whole time I thought of all my plans and ideas, I assumed they will all accept it but now realizing how I can get so easily agitated when I don’t see eye to eye, I realize I have to work out a different strategy.

Sometimes I don’t even know why its so tough. There seems like this barrier that I can’t break through, I feel like there is only a certain limit that I can go. But we’ll see, this is just the beginning, there is more to come, more to look forward to, more to change, more to improve.

I’m excited because at the end of the day, the SRC is carving a better future (at least I hope so) for future batches and generations to come. I want to leave a legacy, I want to leave a lasting impact.

1515

The Student Representative Council and all their handsome and pretty faces.

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Aug 12

So I got back to London on a Friday. I have 4 more days! These 2 months plus, has really been an unforgettable experience.

Nothing much that I did during these few days. On Saturday I went to the Armoury Store! (Arsenal Official Merchandise Store). The whole Emirates stadium tour I did 2 months ago, and then now coming back again to buy some stuffs, just standing there, its really like a dream come true. I may not be the greatest Arsenal fan, but just being a fan, being there, was so amazing.

And on Sunday I went to a church called Holy Trinity Brompton. This church is home to people like Nicky Gumbel and Tim Hughes (if you’re familiar with those names). The beginning was like so drama. Dimmed lights, spot lights bursting with a video background, like full on concert wei! And even the first song they sang which I was very familiar with, sounded like it came straight out of the CD that I listened it from! After church I met with Jin Yun for lunch and had a great time catching up with her. Then I went walking around just trying to find baby shirts with UK flag on it but couldn’t find any :( And the whole I was just trying to get internet to keep updated on how Arsenal is doing in the community shield. (Which they won, ohyea!)

Stayed in on Monday, packed up and got myself ready for flying the next day. But I saved one last nice part for the night. I had to watch a musical, at least one musical while I’m here in London! So my friend and I chose Wicked. Friends all say its good, I got to see it for myself! And it was! I loved everything about it, the story, songs, acting and the whole AV effect, superb! Now I wished I should have just starved some days to save money and go for some more musicals while I still could!

Woke up the next day, grab my stuff. From Canada Water to Green Park on the Jubilee Line, then from Green Park to London Heathrow on the Piccadilly Line. The same train I took when I was coming into London, into this whole journey, into this whole experience. Now, I’m taking that same train back, back to a place I call home, a place that raised me, a place that at this point in time, I would still rather live and serve in.

I’m coming home, Malaysia.

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Aug 11

Final leg of my travels, heading to Guernsey! Where my cousin uncle and aunty lives. Since meeting them in Jan this year, and finding out where they lived, I’d thought since I’m already so close to them, might as well pay a visit! And also a little short time to see how my uncle works as a family doctor here.

I flew from Gatwick on this propeller plane which I was a little jakoon about since I’ve never sat in one before, and about 45min later, I could see a beautiful island holding about 60,000 people, through the window!

My aunty fetched me from the airport and when I reached their place? *gasp* it was so beautiful! Such a beautifully built open concept home and my room was like an attic-ish looking room but bigger and it was so cooooool! Never slept in one of these types of room before.

Then Saturday morning again I did another thing I’ve never done before, get into a sailing boat! Well, didn’t sail, but got to see what it’s like on the sea as we went from one harbour to another. And from the sea, Guernsey looked beautiful.

Spent most of the Saturdays and Sundays seeing Guernsey. We walked around quite a bit, with views of cliffs, seas and beaches. Ate at some awesome restaurants *the steak.. Ohmygosh* and just wandering around Guernsey. The weather all these days was pretty good too! Could have breakfast by their gardens with some local produce. Mmm.

Monday and Tuesday I spent time with my uncle at the surgery. It was good to see some GP practice after spending 2 full months at a paediatric hospital. Saw quite a wide variety of things really. Saw even some things that I wouldn’t have seen on a normal day in Malaysia due to some.. moral laws, if you know what I mean. Saw how he has treated families for generations after generations which was pretty cool, and it’s really something I like yet I believe you can’t find in the hospital. It was also nice to see how patients put their trust in their doctors. House visit was also interesting. Definitely never seen those in Malaysia, which then again, probably because more than half the time getting caught in traffic. But it’s cool because you are reaching people who otherwise would have a tough (and possibly dangerous) time if they were to get to the hospital.

I had Wednesday to explore the island of Sark! Which is a relatively nearby island. No cars, just a couple of tractors. Everything else was just walking or cycling. But the view from some of those places.. Stunning. I mean, I could just sit there for hours, then again also because I love the seas. More cliffs to climb, more salty water, a couple of sailing and motor boats floating around. I was pretty much exhausted just cycling and walking around for almost 4 hours!

Then Thursday, before I headed to the ferry port, I went to have a look at Victor Hugo’s house, which is a property of Paris, France. All the artwork and based on the explanation, the way he contrasted light and dark and how it’s also seen in his books, was quite interesting. Nice view of the sea from the top too! And the gardens, Mmmm small yet peaceful, really.

From Guernsey I then went to Jersey which is about 1 hour away on the fast ferry. Much bigger, much more modern and their beaches, much much longer! I didn’t have much time to see the cliffs, but I walked the whole St Aubin’s Bay, then to St Brelade’s Bay then to St Ouen’s Bay, which altogether is pretty much the whole south and west coast! Took me about 5 hours and after dinner, no way I was gonna walk 5 hours back! Then the next day, having a bit of time in my hands, I walked to the airport and looking at the sights and houses on the way.

All in all, I really really had a good, enjoyable and pleasant time exploring the 2 beautiful islands and spending time with my relatives. If I ever got the chance to come back, I really wanna try going on the boat!

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Jul 31

Touchdown in Edinburgh!

I think this would be my only time taking a cab because it’s so late at night and so ex! T.T

Wasn’t very hard to find Wei Nien’s house and man, I was so tired I literally unpacked and crashed!

Then the next morning I took a bus and went to meet with Samantha Sii! It’s been so long since I’ve seen her and it was an awesome full day just catching up with her. In the morning, she made breakfast for me and then her friend and her brought me up to Arthur’s Seat, which the view was spectacular. Then took me around in the city and then in the evening we went to North Berwick (a beach). Ooo I love beaches, but there was nothing that spectacular compared to Ireland’s beaches. Still, lovely lovely place. Then we almost thought we missed the last train back! But *phew* it was fine. It was night by then, so after walking Samantha home, I headed back too, which I almost missed my bus!

The next day I met with Mun Chung in the morning, which so coincidentally we were both in Edinburgh at the same time. Then I did the all famous Sandesman free walking tour. As good as all the ones I’ve did before and this one had a quite a few references to Game of Thrones scene locations and author inspirations! After that I walked around then met up with Samantha and had early dinner with her. And finally tried the haggis, which is pretty good! Better when fried! And then we walked up Carlton Hill which had another amazing scenery. I am so going to climb up Carlton Hill and Arthur’s Seat again and just, chill.

Adventure begins again the next day, as I got the explorer pass and from Monday to Wednesday I’ll be travelling to different parts of Scotland!

So Monday I went to Aberdeen and then down to St Andrew. Both had beautiful though relatively common, coastal sights. But weather was really just so amazing, thank God! At both places I walked (and sometimes ran) so much, that every time I got onto the bus I could feel my legs giving a sigh of relieve. Haha

Then Tuesday went to Glasgow and got to have a quick peek into the commonwealth “green zone” where they have tons of activities, huge stage, one big live screen and loads of food stalls! What an atmosphere. Then I headed to Oban. The view on the way was just so calming with lakes and mountains together, all around the road, so beautiful. And the whole journey looks so uninhabited then suddenly, a little cozy town out of nowhere! They also had a structure that looked like a colosseum on top of a hill, and the view from there was just as awesome. Headed back to Glasgow earlier to catch more commonwealth action! And then back to Edinburgh.

Wednesday! Went to Inverness. The town itself didn’t have much, though the river was more beautiful than any I’ve ever seen so far. But to really experience it’s awesomeness, I would need to have taken a small boat ride and go all the way down to Fort William and unfortunately I didn’t have the time. Still, peaceful little city. I headed back to Edinburgh, so in terms of travelling, nothing exciting today. I headed back earlier also because I needed to pack up! So that I can wake up early and climb up Arthur’s Seat again before I head back to London.

Edinburgh is a really a beautiful place. Too bad I didn’t stay long enough to experience the festival. Nonetheless, I can consider coming back here, for holiday, maybe even for work? Hehe cause someone mentioned that paeds training here is quite good too. Hmmm.. So after soaking it in from Arthur’s Seat, I was ready to head off. Had lunch and Samantha sent me off to Edinburgh Waverly Station.

Byeeee Edinburgh!
London, I’m back!

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