1) Seni Portfolio

2) Concert booklet layout

3) Concert Song (3 more) notes

4) Add Math portfolio

5) Find my pitch back

So, see ya on the other side when the race is over

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Today was a miracle
We were all dressed
Just like every normal school day
We were all shocked for getting hand-ins back
Some dates back to January

As i browsed through my long lost essays and summaries, a descriptive writing describing my neighboring partner in class caught my attention. This, is what happens when Jeff Dunham and Twilight meet in a potato masher:

Her eyes fluttered open, revealing double-lids which I always wanted. 'What are you doing staring at me?' she mumbled, her healthy pink lips, slightly pinched in the center, barely moved. Ignoring her, I traced her jawline up her cheekbones (with my eyes). They were high and prominent, a sign of youth. Set in her heart-shaped face is a button nose while her ears stick to the sides of her head, rounded, like a bear's. She gazed at me, her eyes still moist form sleep while I profiled her face in my mind. Realizing that I do not intend to answer her question, she flicked her head away from me, mopping my mouth with her hair as she went. She snuggled back into her arms to continue her long nap, unaware that her straight-cut fringe had parted, revealing a few pimples otherwise unseen. As she rest, her prominent chin protruded below her arm, as if balancing a toothpick on it.

As she snoozed on, this rounded hunk on the table, otherwise tall, resembles a meatball on a stick. Tanned by genetic pigmentation, her muscle tone is smooth, barely showing under her skin. Square by the shoulders, her upper torso though not built, can handle some weight. No wonder she;s fine with a double-bass. Her arm was wrapped around her head, the right shielding her eyes from the sun, palm flat under her cheek while the left hand stretched across the table, limp with her fingers hanging loose on the end. She does not have stumps for fingers, but neither are they long. Nonetheless, they were strong enough to click notes on her double-bass, with her nails cropped neatly to the brim of the pinks.

Aware that I am still observing her, unaware of the purpose, she gave a groan and shifted on the chair to shun from the burn that my gaze caused on her back. Comfortable, she crossed her legs, folded them back and placed them neatly under her chair, balancing them nicely in the point of her shoes. She is in her imaginary cocoon now. She looked serene and in peace with every facial muscle relaxed. Even the two troughs which clenched deeply into every one's skull was gone on hers.

I returned my focus on the history book in front of me, knowing that she would be motionless for the time being. It is motivating to know that everyone enjoys History lessons in their own way. On my part, I do enjoy not only history, but her story as well. My neighbor is very contented now and nothing can budge her or distract her from her intense observation of her eyelids. Nothing can disturb her besides the alarm which everyone loves during a history lesson. As it sounded, every strand of muscle on her body twitched and jerked simultaneously, as if each were wired to an individual brain. Slowly unwrapping the cocoon, she extracted herself from the meatball, unfurling every muscle as it went to the top of her fingers and toes. In this position she hovered for seconds, amazingly floating in mid column with her bottom anchored to the chair and all of a sudden, she stood, propelling the chair behind her calf. She is satisfies, contented and just in time to give thanks to the leaving teacher.

As i retype this essay, an intense swell in my stomach urge me to dash to the ceramic bowl to make the remains of my dinner to U-turn. I am now pretty sure that I am sick of an assignment i wrote in some random conditions to hand it in that instant. Kudos to being a girl, for a male writing something like this would be rather ~ horrifying. Conclusion? Do not mix a meatball on a stick with Twilight (the book which i could not bare to read after 2 agonizing chapters)

WARNING: Do not read directly after meals. Ensure the toilet is free from anyone or pet for you to make a quick dash. Opps, too late.

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They sold beef and weapons in a package

They sold arms to disable more people

They test weapons to show support

They prove the world is flat by launching missiles

They destruct to create peace

They got their lyrics all wrong

They killed the world to make t a better place

Not for you not for me, but maybe the inhuman race

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I have always been one who can’t resist fun when it comes my way, so when Video Games Live popped out, I just had to go, and glad that I did. The night started with a blast when the ‘rombongan’ scurried about the Plenary Hall like chickens with their bottoms on fire, we were barely late.

It takes an orchestra to produce soundtracks that make the games happen with the visuals. Just like how it takes an orchestra to create cartoon music, which are one of the best music. The whole night, I was a drunken chicken, screaming at the top of my lungs, and too high for a person who doesn’t drink. However, in the midst of the tingling adrenaline, I knew that I’d have enjoyed it more if I had played half the games or at least see people playing them before. Okay, I confess, I love games, and I get obsessively addicted to them (so don’t get me started), but what really stops me from playing games which include holding a weapon, even if it’s a teaspoon is the fact that I am Scared. Yes, I just said scared, so scared that I didn’t dare play the Sims, and only did so with a very shaky and sweaty hand when my siblings coaxed me to do so. Anyway, that’s another story.

By the time we were done catching glimpses of the musicians and getting signatures, it was 12 and about time adrenaline decides to take a plunge. However, being out so late isn't always the best thing to do, especially when gender is concerned. Although this is only my second time being out so late and the nature of both occasions being my passion for music, I afraid that I won't be able to do this anymore. This is not some pre-exam measure or pressure, but when my actions brings other people's discomfort, i have to make a change, don't i? More so, when family issues are concerned.

All was great and the music was great, game theme or not, the genre of the music doesn't matter because good music will always be good music. Even though the tickets still leave my savings sobbing and feeling empty, this is the best event I've been to. With half a bunch of awesome friends who willingly help people whom they considered a biatch and the other half of awesome geeks who don't mind having their group made into a 11pro + 1 noob remix, plus VGL which made it possible for a person who hardly games to be entertained to no end too, i had a splendid night.

Hence, i can say that my last night out, regardless of other happenings, was a happy ending. I love fairy tails, don't you? Wait, fairies don't have tails.

Laughs of the night:

Tommy Tallarico: 'Some people think that video games are the cause of violence'
Crowd: "Boo, kill them!!!"

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What do you do
When you don't know you've done something wrong
And have no idea how to do it right?

I learn, i tried, i really tried, but i still don't know how to speak. My tongue fails me, or shall i say i fail it?
I once made a choice not to speak, to remain silent, because i don't know how to, but that only made matters worse. My world plunged into murkier waters.

It took me long enough to realize that i have always been the passive one, because i was once outgoing and extremely naughty. i played truant, i hid their things, i used their things and i talked. i love to talk, i loved to talk and i loved it so much my siblings got annoyed at my thirst for attention. i loved being with them but they called me a pest and a parasite. The departure of the maid left me insecure. The living room and their room told me that i wasn't wanted there.

Since young, i hardly mixed with peers my age. Being the youngest of the family that kept themselves to themselves, obviously anyone who talks to me is elder than i am. They would talk to me, and in every conversation, someone has to listen, some one has to listen and obey.
My inability to communicate caused me to be an unpopular figure since kindergarten, and i have been an outcast ever since. Being over-influenced by an age group with a higher level of maturity, i picked up their figure of speech a little too young. That made it harder for me to fit in. Adults, on the other hand occasionally tell my parents '哇，你女儿讲话像大人！' in amusement while i just stood with my head lolling from side to side, not understanding the difference between kiddy speech and old man speech.

Things didn't change for the better as we age. As we grew up, my sister slowly took over the role of the parents to teach me. She did it on her own will, and i know sincerely that she wanted the best for me. Her intentions were pure but her actions were tempered by her hormones. A teenage 'parent' meant that i ended of in hours after hours of scolding whether or not i did anything wrong. Yes, sibling squabbles are day to day accomplishments, but this is different. It was no quarrel, there was no fight, she's in a bad mood and i'm a pest. Either that or she just loves watching me tortured. It wasn't until recent years when she admitted that she was a sadistic child and claimed that i was a bitter person. I'm afraid i still am, for even those memories bleed my eyes.

Under these circumstances, I learned quickly enough to just let her win, let her shout and scream at me, let her feel superior and be intimidated to no end. I had to be careful not to say anything back or a word extra besides a yes or a no even if both answers are wrong. I try not to cry, for every word and any tear would extend the duration of torture. These are the only memories of my routine in the afternoons of my childhood years. When everyone else were enjoying their noons, i would be biting my lip, obeying a sadistic sibling to her final will until a parent walks in the door. I am still bitter about it.

Then came a tie when my hormones kicked in, earlier than expected and i no longer bowed to the sister. i was banished from her territory and started squatting in the living room. It shouldn't be too bad if my nose wasn't sensitive, but the father's smoke, vehicle exhaust and even kitchen oil fumes irritated my nose to no end. It was also annoying to be called to do something every now and then when i'm trying to concentrate. It wasn't easy to continue doing homework when then parents are screaming pass your head and throwing rude words across the room or even using me as their excuse, to defends their pointless quarrels. It feels like I started the fight. The worst, is to bear backstabbing of the other in his/her absence which all 3 kids get a lot but i'm an easy target in the living room. Sometimes, the topic strays to the other side of the family tree.

Being rejected in school, having half a home and not wanting to be there, I have become a refugee with no refuge, but I had hopes and beliefs.

I have hoped not to turn into any of those and i believed that i can accomplish that by being goody two shoes with a routine and do everything i was told or not told but ought to do even though I hated it.
I hoped that people would understand and believed that with honest, hard, earned work, the truth will prevail.
The class united, the siblings united and the parents united in their practices. I worked.

But as time dragged by, my beliefs were challenged. I was still an outcast and I was being trashed for giving my best.
"If the whole world is against you, probably you have gone against them" said the sister.
Did I?
Then came my second belief: Everything that goes wrong is my fault and i need to be punished.

The Dark Ages
Self punishment usually ends up ebing a vent for anger and frustration which had been contained for too long. Punishment was no longer punishment, it was relief. enjoy it while it lasts.

I don't want to be like them. I worked hard not to be like them.
But somewhere along the way, i picked up their talking habits, nasty, mean, disgusting talking habits, and i really want to change that.
Unfortunately, i don't know how to. I grew up with negative home education, i pushed with negative motivation and the abundance of sarcasm.
Please forgive me when I say something mean or rude because sometimes, my brain thinks it's funny; sometimes, it blurts out before it passes through my brain. I don't mean them yet i don't know how to speak politely or act politely not do i understand them very well. That basically means i am overly blunt. Seriously, i got a culture shock when you guys wait for us munchers to finish our meal before leaving the table. Forgive me for my pace, for i dislike meal times at the house if i'm not eating alone. That place is just an easy target to shoot stuff across the table by talking to the television.

I just enjoy peace while it lasts.

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我是谁

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The weather is so hot I am turning into powder. Now lets talk about something else that would interest you and me to ditch the yucks.
So isn't it obvious that we'd be talking about food here?

Lets start with the types of food:  
CNY = Food, no?
Then we talk about stress, stress = munch munch = food too.
And we have school, and school = recess = food.

Okay, that is not the best way of classifying food, but see? we eat all the time.
Now lets narrow down. There are 2 kinds of food in the world, those that are food and the rest which aren't. Having said that, junk food is just junk. And unless you regard your body a rotting pit for fertilisers, avoid them.

So here's the thing. Since we are no longer eating for mere survival, what are we feeding? Why do those Ah Peks go to the same coffee shop every morning to eat the same thing? While we enjoy 3 course gourmets, there are simple single dished meals that we enjoy more, at least, that's for me. So what's the thought?

On the first day of new year, it is my family tradition and also a tradition of many families to be vegetarian and *gasp* No cookies or munchies for half a day (something i regreted discovering)!! And since young, breakfast and lunch on this very day consists of 1 dish（罗汉斋）and rice. Simple as it is, this is the meal that I'd miss throughout the year, and dang, doesn't it taste good once a year. Then there are the 2 other dishes grandma left for us, 福州鱼丸 and 红潮鸡 or something like that, the dishes that I'd definately learn from my Aunty-aunty as soon as the chance comes.

Though i sure do enjoy fine meals and hawker food, nothing can compare to these, which made me realise that many a time, people eat to feed their minds, to make a memory and to relive one, at least, anyone who can afford the internet connection and the digital device to read this boring page can afford to do so. More to that, these food for thought embeds deep in our memories, can you picture the Ah Pek gazing at the road, Kopi O in hand, teary eyed and lost in thought?

So the next time food goes up your head, store it. The next time I make food for anyone, be careful if it seems a bit too powderful.
Hence ends this draggy post abruptly.

'Drunk' and half a sleep,
SkyCloud with an undeflated stomach and gut.

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2010年2月7日至14日（星期一至星期天）

Okay, enough Chinese + Homework, this is what happens when Add Math is given during the New Year, I resolve to Chinese. (You should understand how bad that is.

So on Friday, my family picked me up from school and came back to Kulim, Kedah immediately, yes, in full whites. I will not launch into details of the last 2 periods of Chem since I don't want to spoil my day (or night) again. So Yeah, I'm blogging from Kedah, not like MeJournals would give a damn about it C; Mercifully, the traffic was very smooth and we arrived within 5 hours. Then starts my typical New Year mode: Eat A LOT, Sleep, Eat MORE, sleep, so lets just talk about anything aside those.

I love this place a lot, to start with, there's lots of room and space. Since it's 2 bangalows, they share the garden and my, isn't it neat to just walk across the lawn to eat another set of cookies ;D Secondly, this is not KL and not opposite a market, it's been a long time since i stayed and slept peacefully at a proper Residential area, thank goodness i'm not gonna go back to hisap fume-fume lorry until Wednesday. Thirdly, it's new year and here is the hub of the hype, we hardly see any CNY decoration in KL, people there only celebrate Christmas (no embeded sarcasm here). By the way, this is a very Chinesy and Hokeinny and Hokchouwy place, so that's the difference. The only thing i miss, is the piano. Oh nevermind, i have Tim's drawing tablet for the week C;

My sis called on New Year eve, 3 pence a mintue = 18 cents MR, not too bad. It feels wierd not having her around for the only festival we celebrate, and even more wierd to miss the 'Yoon, help me peel prawn' or 'Yoon, help me eat vege'. Once a dog, always a dog, nei?? Oh well, steamboat goes on and so does the chomp chomp. I'm proud to say that I'm the last 3 remainders left to clean up the pot, what to do, it was better than good. I'd be more proud if i manage to put on weight XD. Mom surprised me by getting me to open a bottle of her favourite sparkling grape juice, she remembered!! Eating aside, the whole day was spent doing Add Math because it was nagging me behind my head and annoying me to the max. I killed my brain cells doing those.

Surprisingly, And Pao day is less roudy as before. Probably with all the kids grown up (I'm the youngest around this year) and the new babies innocent enough to love mom and maid and toys and noise more than money, today was really cool, too cool infact. So here's what i love as much as Ang Pao - Preparing the food. It's as much joy if not better than eating. I may not be the best cook, but i sure love playing with food, and I do mean Play. That's why everyone loves me when there is Ginko nuts to 'peel' though that's not the word i'd use. New year afternoons are for sleeping if one doesn't fancy gambling, TV staring or continuos feeding. 6 hours well spent observing eyelids in the afternoon.

I was blown away by the 'voice mails' in a SpongeBob SquarPants episode friend's made for me. Special thanks to Ley Kuan for compiling the whole clip, want a kiss from me? That would be my first kiss *shudders*. And since it's 1 o'clock when i heard it, I was on vibration mode throughout the whole clip. It's a pity though that the second video was blocked or rather, the first half of the video was blocked. So Ley Kuan, please don't be frustrated, you made my night and year perfect. Who needs to be 16 to have a sweet year? Ley Kuan, I appreciate your efforts throughly. You sound dead tired in the clip. And to all the rest who took the time and hastle to record your message, love you girls and guys lots (yeah, cheesy eh? Still high in Valentines mode). You bet I'd be getting the video and play it over and over again.

All in all, this year's 3 in 1 celebration was exceptionally warm and extremely cool. To have 1 part of rest, 2 parts of celebration and 3 parts of appreciation is the best sachet of instant energy and emotional, mental comfort food i can have. Believe me, this will last me more than just a year. The best part? I can devour, indulge and tuck in as much as i like because something like this can't be finished. i've had a lovely day and a lovely yesterday with days as lovely as this to enjoy, things can't get any better can they?

Love,
Me (hehe, read the footer fast)

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Notice how the image of point A is marked as A' (prime)? Well, that doesn't merely apply to the Cartesian Plan anymore, and no longer does it concern only Maths, because even in life, our 'image' is primed instead of us as who we are.

To make things simple, everyone has 2 images. The primary image would be the one one portrays oneself as. The prime of the primed image however, is what others perceive that person to be. Now see the problem? People make inferences (a polite way of saying jumping to immediate conclusions), based on The Image. This means that what forms the image and why is is it formed in such a way does not relate to them. Under such circumstances and programming of the hair-wired (haywire) brain, How much depth can one see? How deep does one Want to see?

Lets talk about Prime 1 now, the image that we ourselves portray. How far would we want to portray our true self? How far do we want our image to be from ourselves? Say that we would only undergo one transformation, then the only 3 possibilities to form our image, either by rotating 360 degrees clockwise/anti-clockwise, or rotating 0 degrees. Go on, laugh at the indifference of the image formed by the 3 above transformations. At the same time, laugh at those who pick and tick on the indifference of goal and destination because they route chosen to reach there is another one. Does it matter if we took Old Klang Road or Jalan Universiti or even both to go to school? As long as we reach the common destination, lets save the fuss for other stuff, shan't we? But that's another topic already.

The point about Prime 1 is about how do we want our image to be portrayed? It doesn't matter which way we transform, the gist is what is formed? Something way larger or shrunken than the object? Something translated into another form and changes according to language? (implying that the image changes according to the situation) Or is our image like an Amoeba, totally warped up and struggling to contain itself while being forced to change by external forces?
I dare say that my Image is pretty much like the Amoeba's, and if i give up the struggle to retain myself, I well, erm, explode. How do you transform your image, if you transform at all?

Having said all that, I still wonder why do we have to put up with all the Primes of Secondary Images when what matters is the core of a person? Personally I try to see a person's true character by talking to them and getting to know why do they portray themselves in such a way, and believe me, things aren't like what it Seems and the Inference is not so similar to the conclusion. And maybe because of that, forming Prime 1 is still a skill i need to acquire Badly, simply because I have no idea how to see Prime of the Primed Image not to mention that the Prime of the Primed Image hurts too much.

My ultimate perfect destination would be the primed on the source, backing each other up. I don't want to have an Amoeba for an image, because you probably know how stressful it is to contract and squish so tightly just to be rid of you. I chose not to take to bigger gate with many others and many other possibilities to map myself on another place, but to seek the side gate with only 3 paths to portray who i am, and I know, that to find this path and to follow through is not hard to do, it's just easier not to do.

Sometimes, Math doesn't apply in life ( please don't tell my Math teacher), the Image is Primed and the object is lost, the truth of everything will perish. Then again, this principle applies to those who Primes themselves somewhere else yet have their Primed Prime back onto their 'object'. To these people, you guys are just cool la.

So my question to you is, what do you Prime and where?

#Quote of the day:
Tan Shean Yan: 天云，你要做鸡吗？Now why would i want to be a chicken? I'm already one!

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If my toes are nuts, then I have a pain in the nuts!

Yes, it's disgusting and well, disgusting. Surprisingly, i didn't feel it until i pulled my socks off, what happened??

Let's go off course and start form the morning. I woke up with a warm Bye Bye Fever. Amazingly, i was able to wake up upon the beeps of my alarm clock at 5.30. Then again, i had a nice slumber of 10 hours with a few breaks in between. That alone is something rare and awesome!

Twice a year, everyone in school don't look alike from afar, with Blue and Purple barely distinguishable in the wee lights of the morning, Green and Red contradicting each other and Yellow scattered in spots all over the place, yeah, enjoy the colours while it lasts.

I re-adhere the blue patch in the Prefects Room to avoid stares, unsuccessfully. For one, the patch did not stick on properly after its 3rd removal and two, people start having fun with their imagination like how i would be running with it. Not that i have a problem with being laughed at, to be honest, i sincerely enjoy laughing at myself too (which most of the time leads to excessive syok sendiri-ness). The thing is, having people noticing such stuff is weird, and to get feed backs form them is even more weird, just like how the Uncle Driver responded with a 'What happen to your head??'

Okay, I'm straying too far. Back to the track, we were released at the slope beside PBSM since they altered the route this year. The way the race started suddenly make me feel like a cow.
Why a cow? Simply because i felt very much like a bloke among others being released as a herd from the fence. And while we were waiting, some stared, some gazed, some grazed. I am quite sure i just insulted many people by the previous sentence but oh well, i'd just hear you moo and i'd moo with you

So I was trying to talk about the track. Cows we may be at the beginning but no longer. P1 girls who trained were awesome, they were way in front leaving me with no one to pace. All short, I didn't give this run my best shot this time, basically strode though the whole thing and ended up taking 45 minutes for 5km.

PMO practice for once, was torturous. Not fully because of the music quality and genre, but more to the fact that i felt like a cow which cannot fart, you know, watery eyes, runny nose, bloated in the head and, and, i think this is enough about my imagination of cows which can't fart. Anyway, i went home early at 3 to sleep but ended up finishing homework, I am officially a mad cow.

Wai Wai's, brother, brother and friend picked me up at 7 for Putrajaya Night Run 2010. Cow or not, i enjoyed a few bananas and felt much better instantly. The night run was challengingly not challenging, simply because 7.7km was really long for me and something i have not and dared not face before. However, the night run was relatively manageable because the route was very straight there were few slopes, all ascends very gradually. Now here comes the perasan part, I am so happy to be able to sprint more than half the way, maintained my pace for the rest of the route and I didn't stop! No longer feeling like a cow, it felt good to wheeze as i flew pass aunties and uncles. Please, i wheezed into my towel to clear my nose.

After the run, it felt good to have sponsored Milo and 100+ to drink (these companies should pay me for the advertising here...) After the refreshments, which managed to ice my stomach, I felt like a cow again. Got lost trying to locate Wai Wai and Melissa and then we couldn't find the other duo not to mention making three successful trips to the wrong car park. But we had lots of fun all the way, lots of time to yak and to cool down, so much i didn't suffer from any cramps, Awesome!!

Now how did i ramble all the way here, err...
Oh yeah, from my pain in the nuts. So basically

#1 Laughing at my imagination of running with ByeBye Fever was Awesome!

#2 Helping Marissa and Alicia out after Merentas Desa was awesome (don't be confused because i am aware that i did not mention this earlier above).

#3 Even if we sound horrible, we still love our noise, Awesome!

#4 Finishing homework on a Saturday, Awesome!

#5 Getting to know Mellissa, Wai Wai's brother and a dinosaur CHSian, Awesome!

#6 Knowing my capacity which is +- 8km plain terrain, Awesome!

#7 Encouraging Ah Sam and Ah Pek along the way and see them smile back, Awesome!

#8 Realizing rule No.2 of being independent of a guy - know how not to get lost with a map and clear bearings, Awesome!

#9 Singing 'When all you need to keep is strong move along move along like I(ya) need(know) to(ya) do - Awesome!

#10 Being a contented cow the whole Sunday - Awesome!

And so, we've come to the end of this post still not knowing what caused the pain in my nuts.

Laughing off,
Malaysia SkyCloud
(de unpredictable)

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