Ke sini

Like

Unlike

Share on Facebook

You know what's coming up in a couple of weeks.

In the immortal words of Jack Bauer of the hit series 24---"THERE'S NO TIME!"

And from here till then, as Porky Pig would put it---"Th-th-th-th-That's all, Folks!"

Battle control, terminated....

Like

Unlike

Share on Facebook

Today was Palm Sunday! We got to hold sharp and pointy palm leaves again. More importantly, the major renovation of Saint Francis Xavier is complete! And man does it look awesome. SFX always looked boring like a warehouse compared to more traditional looking churches like Holy Rosary and Assumption.It can now "berdiri sama tinggi, duduk sama rendah" with any church. Now, it looks like how a Catholic church should be, as Fr Simon said "Outward beauty, inward grace".

The old SFX.It had all the appearance of a warehouse.

SFX, new and improved.

Like

Unlike

Share on Facebook

The first week of school has passed, and we've all got a taste of what is to come in the year. As it is, I found myself increasingly missing the time of our yester-years. I began to spend quite alot of time looking back on what was, and what had passed, and to really just think about it all. And I didn't like what I found. Suffice to say, when I look back into my past, I only find regret, despair and sadness.

The number one thing that really unnerved me was how it all went by so fast, and how I didn't spend some time to "stop and smell the roses". The saying "You don't know what you got 'till it's gone" is actually very poignantly true. I mean, we're already Form 4, for crying out loud. It's as if it were only a short while ago that I remember being Form 1. And now this. And I realise that I missed everything in between. To me, alot of Form 2 and Form 3 remain a blur to me, especially Form 2. I can't really recall much of what happened that year. Apart from some memorable, unforgettable things, like my very "interesting" oral presentation, and the first time that Prefect politicking became apparent, Form 2 is very hazy to me.

Form 3 was slightly better, since it was only a short while ago, and my mind hasn't yet begun to lose the threads of that memory. But still, it all went by faster than I could comprehend. One moment, it was the start of the year and we were still going through what was left of the lower secondary syllabus, then it was PMR, and then it was the post-PMR period, which it itself also went by in a flash. The biggest waste of time was the remainder of November after I came back from my Beijing trip. Now I find that that was the best time to have done many, many things. Instead, I wasted it entirely on the computer, day in day out. I'm gonna have to write a post about that too in future.

Throughout all of that though, one thing that I did remember, and remember very vividly, was exactly how lazy I was, and how I blew off those 3 years. Actually it was very simple. Everyday after school, I would come home, clean up, eat dinner or lunch (depending on what school session I was in) and then "proceeded" to do my homework. This usually meant I would take a 2 hour nap, wake up, then proceed to do other time-wasting activities and maybe, just maybe, get some work done at the last hour. The situation got a lot worse on the weekends. On the Fridays, I would goof off, thinking that I had the weekend to get my homework done. Then on Saturdays, I would spend the whole day playing video games, because I wanted to get the most kick out of it as possible before I got to work. Normally then I would reserve Sundays for homework, but because my maid goes out on Sundays, we're forced to go out to get lunch and dinner. As a result, I never get any time to get any homework done. End result? I am always finishing my homework at the last possible minute, and I am always chasing after time. I guess that's how I missed 3 years of my life.

Another thing I regret deeply is how little I have accomplished thus far. With the kind of daily schedule mentioned above, naturally I would have little to no time to study. Thus, I joined the rat pack every exam, burying my head in my books 24/7, cramming every last word, comma and full stop into my head. With this attitude, it was a miracle that I did not end up like a C class student. It was Luck, and a whole lot of undeserved Grace from God that managed to pull me through all those years, and through PMR. People always think that just because I've been in an A class for 2 years, that I would naturally study every moment and thus, become clever. I assure you this has never been the case. I'm not a clever student. Everything I have accomplished in terms of academic results have been claimed only by tooth, nail and God.

In extra-curricular terms, I have nothing to show either. I once dedicated my life to the Interact Club, way back in Form 1. But what a betrayal and a utter waste of time, energy and dedication it was, as I discovered that only Form 3s and beyond would receive points for being in the Interact Club. The same thing went for any sports club. They were either a waste of time as well, like the Basketball Club that only plays "get-the-ball-and-throw-three-pointers", or were at such times that I couldn't go because the timing clashed with other societies. Not that I really very active in any particular club. And that was how Form 2 was wasted. So I decided to go back to Interact when I entered Form 3. But it was just so different. And honestly I am not Interact material, as in I'm just not a socialite, and Interact was all about connections and networks. So I had to quit from that too. Luckily, I found the Catholic Students Society. And there are some people who I look up to there.

The other thing then that tugs at my heart is how I have not grown. Not grown as in physically, for in that sense I have. But I have not grown as a person. I am surrounded by so many talented and gifted friends. Problem is, every time I am with them, I can't help but be reminded of how much I lack in comparison. I don't play any instrument. I am not studious and clever. I don't excel in any sport. I don't inspire people, nor am I a leader. It's like I can't find exactly what is it that defines me. Like I can't find purpose, reason....happiness.

I don't know. My mind is kinda messy right now. Sometimes I am overwhelmed with such feelings of helplessness. And then the next moment I can bury and no longer feel it like how I've buried every other thing in the past. I'm still just...trying to find my way around. Trying to discover meaning. Trying to pursue happiness.

I know my blog doesn't really receive alot of traffic. So for those of you who've taken the time and effort to read this and my blog once in a while, thank you so much for that, and please just keep this to yourselves. I'm always free for a chat though, if you're so inclined.

Nicholas
Look back on my life and my life gone...Where did I go wrong?
-verse from "Welcome to Heartbreak" by Kanye West.

Like

Unlike

Share on Facebook

It seems the gears and cogs of politics have been unusually active this year. There has been no other year when so much has changed in so many countries globally, no matter how influential they are, how big they are, nor how seemingly irrelevant. It has been a year of Change, a year of the People's Alliance, a year of (perhaps) puppet presidents controlled by a former president, and a year of step downs. Let's take a closer look at some of these truly memorable events.

Cuba
One of the remaining communist countries in the world. Fidel Castro, president of Cuba since 1976, underwent intestinal surgery for a digestive illness. Although alive and well, Fidel did not seek a new term as president nor commander in chief, and is succeeded by his brother, Raul Castro

Raul-2nd in the Casto dynasty

Russia
Former communist superpower, now a major player in global affairs, as evident in the Georgia incident. Long time popular president, Vladimir Putin, did not contest for office due to Russian law stating that a president can serve no longer than 2 consecutive terms. He endorses Dimitri Medvedev as a canditate for the election of the United Russia party, which Dimitri won. Vladimir Putin remains in politics as Prime Minister, thus supporting the theory that Dimitri is merely Putin's puppet. Rumours also abound that once Dimitri would end his term next year, thus paving the way for Putin's return to presidency. Putin denies this.

Medvedev-Puppet or President?

Zimbabwe
Who could forget the memorable show pf politics that was played out by President Robert Mugabe and his rival, Movement for Democratic Change's Morgan Tsvangirai. Tsvangirai pulled out of elections because it was getting too dangerous for him and his supporters, leaving a one man election which ultimately resulted in victory for Mugabe (gasp **sarcasm**). Although Mugabe now wants to draft a power sharing deal with Tsvangirai, they have yet to reach a consensus.

Mugabe-One-man show

Japan
Yasuo Fukuda, the former Prime Minister of Japan, who himself took over after Shinzo Abe's sudden resignation a year earlier, resigned suddenly from office, resulting in a bid for power between 5 members of the Liberal Democratic Party, including Taro Aso. Aso gained the majority of the votes, and is now acting Prime Minister. He likes to read manga.

Aso-Is the main character in Japan Politics, the Manga

Thailand
The troubled land above us continues to be mired in controversy and protests. Samak Sundaravej, Prime Minister of Thaiand after Thaksin, was forced from office after a contract breach where he appeared on a cooking show. Somchai Wongsawat is now the current Prime Minister, but protesters of the People's Alliance for Democracy continue to well...protest. Now they have plunked their butts at the Suvarnabhumi International Airport, costing the country millions of baht and severely hurting its tourism industry. But the protesters soldier on. They are not going to stop until the government steps down, and they are ready to die for it (or so they say).

Somchai-In some deep....

Malaysia
March 8, 2008 says it all. Malaysians decided that the National Front or the Barisan Nasional, had had enough power for over half a century, and that the country still wasn't going anywhere. So they placed all their chips of the Opposition, now called the People's Alliance or Pakatan Rakyat. Although their leader, Anwar Ibrahim, famously proclaimed that he would take over government by September 16, this date came and went without incident. The Pakatan Rakyat continue their plans to topple Barisan Nasional, minus a date.

Anwar-By Christmas? Chinese New Year? April Fool's maybe...?

United States of America
After 8 years of Bush Jr's rule, which resulted in 2 wars and strained political relations, and with no prize to show for it all, Barack Obama along with the support of the American people plus some celebritiy power, like Madonna and Oprah, beat Senator John McCain to become the USA's 44th President. Not only is he one of the youngest, but is also the first black president. With his ascension to office comes the dawn of a new America, that promises to restore international relations as well as pull troops out of Afghanistan and Iraq. Only time will tell if he is indeed, the change we can believe in.

Obama-The smug, handsome face of Change

The cogwheels of destiny have begun to spin. As each country deals with its own political change, the winds of hope continue to blow all over the world, bringing with it, the tides of change.

Brought to you by,
Nicholas
The game that is politics has some new players.

Like

Unlike

Share on Facebook

Well. This is it. Starting from this moment, there are only 14 complete 24-hour days left to Peperiksaan Menengah Rendah. 7 days of Hari Raya holidays, and 7 more normal, schooling working days.

All the best to every Form 3 who ever reads this blog. Don't slack off too much. Don't get stressed out. Don't get sick. Above all, good luck, God speed, and selamat Hari Raya.

Nicholas

Like

Unlike

Share on Facebook

Dang. Normally I'm not one to pour out all my emoness here, but this is different.

I just found out that I may have done something in the past that can (or already has) potentially screw my life for good. And that the chances of fixing it are slim.

Dang. Why do I keep doing stuff that just keeps screwing me up more and more?

Like

Unlike

Share on Facebook

It's good to be back.

Finally. The friggin exams are finally over. Rejoice my brothers and sisters! The tyranny that is the exams is now over. Alas, for me at least, the post exam euphoria exists no more. Because when the final Math paper ended, I just didn't really feel....happy. It wasn't because I did very badly for the Math paper, though I didn't know how to draw the loci and I left out one subsection. I just felt, well, relieved at least, that I didn't have to study the moment I got home. But not happiness. No.

But, at the very least, the first term holidays have begun, albeit a little early due to the need to prepare CHS for the election tomorrow. Yay elections! That's one small blessing from the BN-led government. Even though alot of people don't like them and all and are hoping that PKR and DAP can narrow or (probably never) beat BN. But we all get a day off, so, .

Election fever is running pretty high around my area. Bangsar is under the Lembah Pantai parliament seat. So its very crucial to any party. And the candidates aren't just any unknown candidate whom whatever party he/she's from is asking you to vote for. The candidates are the big shot BN Sharizat and Anwar's own daughter for PKR. As well as some independent guy, but no one really cares about him. BN have always had a pretty strong grasp on the Lembah Pantai area, and it's unlikely that PKR will be able to dethrone them tomorrow, but then again, Clinton's wins in Ohio and Texas has taught me not to predict the outcomes of political stuff so confidently. Whatever the situation is, here or otherwise, expect to see BN losing their grip slightly across the country. Unless their propaganda has worked.

Major election aside, this holiday will be a chance for me to do something worthwhile for once. I always hated blowing off any holiday by doing 3 things a day. And that was sleep, eat, and play video games, not necessarily in that order. Well, I want to change that this time. For one thing, I need to start studying. Even though the exams are over, the preparation for that was enough to convince me that my current cramming strategy just won't work anymore. It's time for me to be more hardworking and stop slacking off. And that means less computer time too.

Later on in the holidays, I'll be going down to Singapore to get my Xbox 360 replaced. Finally. But with a terrorist still causing a ruckus down there, I expect immigration to be a long and tedious affair. Who knows though. Maybe he'll be in Indonesia by now, and Singapore can just dump the responsibility on Indonesia to get him again.

Plus,Kane's Wrath will be coming out on March the 26th! Yay! And even better, RA3 is going to be released eventually! Though I don't really like the story of it much. It involves more time meddling, this time by the Soviets, that results in Japan being a global superpower. And to think that the RA universe didn't have enough time meddling to deal with. I'm surprised the very fabric of RA reality hasn't ripped apart yet.

Hmmmm.... don't really have much to say, considering I've been silent for some time. Oh well. I'll go slack off right now by taking a nap. Or maybe not.

Brought to you by,
Nicholas
Total amount of money collected over the CNY period, RM 1059 + 4$ Sin

Like

Unlike

Share on Facebook

Okay. I normally wouldn't be writing yet another post so quickly after the previous one. Too little time has passed, and there isn't much to write about. But Chinese New Year is a couple of days away, and the exams are just a couple more weeks down the road. So, I need to get my last post out before I shut down for a while.

Let me elaborate on the events then, which have contributed to the culmination that is this highly impromptu post.

First of all, it seems to me that my life is actually worse than last year. That is, that now, I hardly ever speak to anyone outside of my class anymore. And when I do, it's never really anything deep. It'll either be business matter, or the usual request thrown in my direction to "hand me that book" or "hold this for me a while", or Command and Conquer 3 Tiberium Wars as I reminiscent about that previous match that I won and so forth. I don't know how this can be. Did I not swear to change for the better after my epiphany last year? Had I not expunged whatever it was that always made me the Lone Wolf? The answer, it seems, is apparently not. In fact, I seem to have run back into the furry embrace that is the Lone Wolf, for it is he who keeps me company throughout the days.

To put it simply, I feel like I'm in some sort of limbo between the world of the living and the chaos that extends beyond. I go about my days in the flesh, for I am still rooted in the physical world. But it seems, that in the essence, in the actual being, I do not exist. Or I cannot be seen by the eyes of other mortals. Even as I manage to materialize long enough to engage in conversation, I would mysteriously vanish even before I finish my sentence, as in evident by the departure of the listener. Tis' then that I have found a fitting metaphor for myself. A shadow. For my existence mimics that of a shadow very closely indeed. In the sense, that I am always there, but am never really noticed, or cared about, or even acknowledged. Think about it. Isn't this more or less how you treat your shadow?

To add insult to that is the fact that I'm never known for anything whatsoever. I apologize if this may seem like some pathetic whining. I assure you this is not meant to be so. Everyday as I come to school, I see all of my peers around me and their reasons of fame pop into my mind. Hong Ken. The really really smart guy. Wai Leem. The popular and charismatic figure whom everybody knows. Timothy Goh. The PC genius. Ray Aun. The English guy. At which point my insides begin to seethe with anger and disgust. Not that I have anything against Ray Aun, don't get me wrong. I consider him a worthy and deserving equal for his extensive knowledge of the English lexicon. But it is others, whom I refer to as "The Undeservers" who make me want just curse and swear. Why? Because it is these "Undeservers", who are constantly acknowledged for their near excellence of the English language, when in fact they can hardly string together a perfect sentence or for that matter even talk in an accent that doesn't heavily indicate a "English as a second language, with Chinese being my main one" manner. Suffice to say I feel a tang of guilt for lashing out against these people, who are my peers and indirectly, my friends. But the fact remains that I am constantly shoved into the backstage as they bask in the spotlight and as the crowd cheers them on. To every member of the audience, it is as if the secondary character deserved the louder applause than the main actor. And it is this fact which makes my insides boil with anger whenever this happens. ( Just to let you know, I flunked my Editorial Board entrance exam. Let's just say this is related to that. )

In relation to that, I'm not really known for anything else at all. I'm not the most popular guy. Or the most sociable. Or the most athletic and sporting. Or the most knowledgeable in a field of knowledge which others may require assistance in. And as mentioned above, apparently not the most proficient in the usage of the English language. I'm not even known for the stuff which I do have interest in and am better than the rest. Like how I'm not the best player in Command and Conquer 3, for that honor still belongs to Kyle. Nor does anyone care about my above average knowledge of certain aspects of history, in particular that which is associated with military matters. Sigh. Out of curiosity, can this be counted as me being "emo"?

There. All the ugly discontent in my heart that has been spilled out. I feel really bad that I am still this way, and that I still feel dislike and near-hatred of others. Hopefully God (or, Allah) will comfort me and help me feel better after the exam.

Brought to you by,
Nicholas

Like

Unlike

Share on Facebook

1. Do this tag and answer all the questions in your own blog.
2. Delete question no.20 and add one of your own question instead.
3. Tag 8 victims to do this tag.

Usually I wouldn't encourage this kind of crap, but I'll just do this one out of curiosity.

Questions:1. What is your dream when you were a small kid?
Alot of things man...I can't even remember half of them.

2. What is the happiest thing in your whole life?
I can't remember a time when I was seriously happy. I guess the Europe trip, since it was my first trip to that continent.

3. What do you wish to have right now?
Enough determination to make sure I don't screw this year up, a new cellphone, to strengthen my faith, and a bunch of other stuff

4. When is the last time you horse laughed?
When I was watching "The Rude Awakening of Optimus Prime", "Heavy Metal Fight", and "Shockwave's Burden". Those were funny.

5. What did you realize recently?
That my life really sucks and I need to get it back on track.

6. Which bad habit in you that is the most unacceptable?
My knack of snapping at people at the slightest provocation

7. When you are unhappy, what will you do?
Drown out the unhappiness in a kind of drunken manner. It works, to an extent.

.8. What are you afraid of losing?
My family

9. Within 5 years, which target is the most realistic one?
To have mastered some sort of skill

10. When you met someone that you like, will you profess or hide your feeling?
I would wait awhile. And only profess when everything is right.

11. List out 3 kind of people you hate the most.
People who act like they're better than others
People who always seem to act like they're not themselves
People who can't decide on anything

12. Define loneliness.
When no one is there to have any sort of contact with you, physically, menatally, or spiritually.

13. Are you satisfied with your life now?
No

14. When is the most recent time you felt touched?
When I realised my dad was willing to spend RM5000 over to buy a new PC for me

15. Where is the most beautiful place that you've visited?
Somewhere over Russia in a plane bound for Paris. The night sky was absolutely beautiful.

16. A song that is playing in your mind recently.
"The Good Life" by Kanye West

17. If you have a wish to come true, what is it?
To be the kind of person I wish I was.

18. Do you have anything to be worried or scared recently?
Not really. Except the opening of school, I guess

19. If the world is going to end, what will you do?
Contact my family to tell them I love them, and then maybe pray or something.

20. Do you treasure your friends?
I do. Very much. They're the only ones who make school worth going to.

I tag: (I won't be so evil, so I won't tag anyone. Feel free to continue this tag if you're so inclined though)

Like

Unlike

Share on Facebook