Musings

You have to make a choice. Choose to live.

Nazruddinn as Zack Imran, on Ghost.

The quote above is from the finale of the Malaysian TV series titled ‘Ghost’, season two. That series is about this girl who is able to see ghosts. *Spoiler Warning* In that particular episode, she dies, to stop the antagonist from fulfilling his wishes. Another reason why she decided to die was to be together with Zack Imran, her first love (from season one), who happens to be a ghost.  However, he said they weren’t meant to be together, not that way, as in she dying. So he said “You have to make a choice. Choose to live.” A choice, to live or to die. The series ends without telling us her decision.

So that was in the series. But I find that line can also apply to many who are still breathing in the real world. It’s not a choice to literally live or die. It is a figurative choice. Many of us may be alive physically, but are we alive on the inside? Are we alive emotionally and spiritually? Sometimes, we are actually dead on the inside. Our bodies are still functioning, but we live as though we are dead. There is no life in our life. No excitement, no adventure, no hopes or dreams, no drive to keep moving on. Life is boring, mundane, uneventful, other than the routine we have set for ourselves. We have become walking zombies, with no zeal or passion in life.

When was the last time you felt fired up? When was the last time you felt alive? Most of us get fired up at certain points in our lives, but then we let circumstances and our surroundings to kill that fire, to suck out the life from us. We let routine set in, complacency to set in. And in the process we become walking zombies, shadows of ourselves, of what could have been.

So, when faced with the choice to live life to the fullest, or to let circumstances kill that life you ought to have, which will you choose? As in the words of Zack, “You have to make a choice. Choose to live.”

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When we play any video game, one of the things we want to accomplish is to level up our character. With levelling up comes a lot of benefits such as a longer life span (health points so you can take more damage before dying), stronger characters, learn more skills, abilities, combos, techniques and spells, more manna (to cast spell and do certain techniques, etc. for games with manna), ability to wield greater weapons and use better items.

But in order to level up, there are many challenges that the character (and of course the player controlling the character) will have to overcome. There are missions and quests that need to be completed, which can take anything from several minutes to several days. There are battles that need to be won, bosses that need to be defeated. Some rely on experience points to level up, where a the character has to do tasks or fight battles to gain these points. When the required amount of points is gained, the character will then level up. We spend so much time working on our character in the game to level him or her up so that it will become better, and in the process become the strongest, especially in multiplayer games.

Likewise is life, there are many challenges that we need to overcome to go to the next level. The next level in maturity, knowledge, wisdom, and faith. These challenges will also come in all shapes and sizes, whether big or small, just like in video games. There may be small tests to our character, to polish us, or big ones to refine us. There are instances where our maturity in thinking is tested, whether we will make the right choices in those instances. Places where we have to exercise wisdom we have, or leap into new challenges and unknowns, and gain new wisdom and knowledge in the process.

Then there are also challenges in our faith. Our doubts, our fears, our troubles, our ability to hold on to the hope we have in Christ. When we overcome, we are brought into a new level with God, our faith is affirmed and strengthened. We see new facets of that one God, new revelations come in. Our worship is also brought to a new level in the process. And our character also shaped and refined.

Facing these challenges may not be easy. Some may just comprise of doing the small things, making small decisions to say no or do what is right. But the bigger, tougher challenges are never easy. There may be excruciating pain to go through them, physically and emotionally, places where we are broken down to pieces, our egos crushed. Sometimes the journey seems too long, when we can only move one step at a time. There are places where we can do nothing but total surrender to God and rely on Him to carry us through, to rely on Someone beyond ourselves.

But the question is, will you fight on to go to greater heights? To go through the tunnel, when you see the light at the end or you don’t, emerging stronger? Will you continue to hold on to God, and continue to call out to Him to bring you through? Will we spend the same amount of effort and time that we spend levelling up a virtual character, maybe even more time and effort, on levelling up ourselves, our true selves?

Bring It On

Duke Nukem

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I watched this show recently on Discovery Channel. The name of the show was ‘Built from Disaster’. It’s about modern engineering, where they learn from past disasters and use what they’ve learn into modern applications, be it buildings or vehicles. The episode I watched was on ships and ferries.

Well, I did not catch the whole of the episode. But one part stuck out to me. It was about transport ferries which carried vehicles as well as passengers. The thing was that the vehicle bay of the ferry could get flooded and that would cause the ferry to become unstable due to the inertia of the water in the bay. This instability would then cause the ferry to roll over, closing escape routes, bringing down lifeboats, etc. And they showed two real disasters that happened this way. You’re thinking 'Nothing much,' right? Then they showed the solution. They said it was so radical, it could only be implemented on new ships. What’s the solution you ask? Well, it was to change the basic shape of the ship or ferry from the conventional V-shape to a more squarish, box like shape. So in practice, the ferry would be like a floating box.

What’s so striking about that? Now, they said the design was never implemented before and can only be used in future ships. But I can tell you it had been done, and it was thousands of years ago. Don’t believe me? Let me tell you then. It’s in the Bible. Can follow me now? Yes, it is the Ark, which Noah made under God’s instruction. Now we always see cartoon depictions of that ark to be like cartoon ships, right? With animal heads sticking out the sides. But you know, that is not the real design of that ark. Check out Gen 6:15. It’s 300 cubits long, 50 cubits wide, and 30 cubits high. In case you didn’t know, one cubit is the distance between the tip of the middle finger to the elbow. This roughly translates a cubit to about 0.5 metres. If you got the cubits measure down, try sketching it, using a way smaller scale of say, 1 mm per cubit. Now what shape do you get? You will get a long box shape. Now isn’t that what engineers now are doing? And to think that  design is something new when that very design was given by God to Noah thousands of years ago, before modern science could think of such a solution.

Isn’t it amazing? That our God knows the best design. What this has proven is that God knows His physics. In fact, He was the one who wrote out the laws of physics in the first place. He made things work the way they work now, in effect, writing, or making, the laws of physics. And who better to understand them and use them, than the author Himself? He knew that the conditions during the flood would be rough, and so gave Noah a design that would be stable in all the challenges the flood would present. And from there, we know the Master Engineer, God, who came up with a solution no one could have think of until now, thousands of years later. How awesome is He?!

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I love guitars. Those who know me personally can testify. Put me with a bunch of guitarist and I can talk for hours about guitars. They are such wonderful instruments.

One reason why I love guitars is because they are unique. Each guitar has its own unique character. They have their own sound, their own tone, their own personality and character. The shape of the guitar, the woods used, bracing technique and construction all adds to the character of the guitar. This is more obvious if you consider an acoustic guitar.

No two guitar sounds exactly the same. They may sound similar, but if you listen closely, they do not sound exactly alike. Yes, they may have the same shape, bracing, type of wood, brand, luthier, but they will not sound exactly alike. This is because no two piece of wood is exactly alike. They may come from the same tree, but if you were to inspect the grain and all that when you have cut it up, there will be differences. That’s the awesomeness of God. Then when these are put together by the luthier, there will again be differences from one guitar to the next. The difference between guitars becomes greater the higher up the price ladder you go. The introduction of an even greater variety of woods and really unique pieces of it, then the handiwork of master luthiers, made by hand and all that. This causes even greater variety and distinction between guitars. And so, each guitar is unique. That is why I love to sample and play different and new guitars, and if possible, I want to own all of them that I like. I’d love to have a great arsenal of guitars to use, one for a specific sound I want, to showcase and savour their unique flavour. However, of course finances become a problem. But if I could, I would.

Just like how a guitar is unique in character, we humans are also unique. God has made us so amazingly, that everyone of us is different. We may be similar, in our actions, looks and thoughts, which leads us to having friends who are like us and us being able to click with them, but in the end we are still different and unique. No two person is exactly the same. They will not look exactly alike, even identical twins, who are supposed to have the exact same genetic make-up, which in theory, should result to an exact same copy. They will not act exactly alike, with the exact same reactions to all occasions. So many other variables in a person’s life brings about so many possibilities to that person’s character and personality. We may group people into wide categories and labels, using common characteristics, but if inspected deeper within those categories, you will not find an exact pair.

And so take heart and know that you are unique. You are different, in a good way. Embrace your differences, seeing each others' strengths and working together in those differences to make a better team. And also, praise God for your differences. Use it to glorify the Creator that knit you together in your mother’s womb, who made you who you are. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Believe me, it’s true.

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This post started of with a comment from on of my dear friends. The comment went something along the lines of not having the attention span. Not to put her down. I respect and admire her honesty.

But again, it’s gotten me thinking. When we think about it, most of our attention spans are also really short. We have come to a point in time where we want everything fast, instantaneous even if it were possible. In this age of technological headway, we have been conditioned into a mindset of speed. Need proof? Why do we want fast food? And when that food gets a little delayed, we get all grumpy and upset (of course, service needs to be up to par. But if the cause of the delays cannot be avoided, why get so worked up?). Then look at computers. We’re constantly working towards faster processors with more power, measuring them each time with speed tests. Then look at how search engines boast of the number of hits they find in the milliseconds. It’s all about speed nowadays. Yes, I am also likewise. I hate lagging computers too. I want the Internet to work real fast so I need not wait forever for a website to load, or a video to buffer, or to make a download.

But then I feel we are losing something here. Although speed is a good thing, when it becomes the only thing we ever want, then we loose out on the things we can learn from waiting. We lose patience. Speed helps us. It keeps us moving forward at a pace we could never have achieve before. It keeps us on our feet and makes life efficient. But are we gaining speed at the expense of our humanity?

It is human to wait. In fact, it is God’s will to wait. We need to be still at times. To stop and just listen, waiting on God. I feel we need to slow down sometimes. To be still and listen to God. To wait, in other words, ready to move when God tells us to. There are many references in the Bible that speaks of waiting, waiting on God and the goodness of waiting. Lamentations 3:25 says “The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him.” We find waiting to be such a difficult thing to do. But it is something we need to do. Waiting is something we should be doing. Sometimes we get so caught up doing things, trying to fix the situation and make thing better when we should take a step back and wait on God to do things. Then only are we prepared to see that He is God and to see the mighty things He will do. Psalms 46:10 says “Be still, and know that I am God! I will be praised among the nations, I will be praised in the earth.” Being still facilitates and readies us to see God move. And when we do, then we are able to move with Him.

Also, when we just keep running and running, using all we have got, we will one day run out of juice. We get tired and fatigued and burnt out. In those moments, waiting on God is rest to our weary souls. Isaiah wrote saying “He gives power to the weary; and to him with no vigor; He increases strength. Even the young shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall; but those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” in Isaiah 40:29-31. When we have become weak from our own efforts, God comes through as we wait on Him. We also get so worked up by circumstances and people. We see things and then we question why things happen the way they happen. We see people doing evil around us and how they are prospering while we strive our hardest to do things the right way yet we don’t seem to succeed. This is what Psalms 37:1-9 says (I do suggest reading the whole of that psalm):

1. Do not fret yourself with evil doers; and do not be envious against the workers of iniquity.

2.For they shall soon wither like the grass; and fade as the green herb.3. Trust in the LORD, and do good; you shall dwell in the land, and you shall be fed on truth.

3. Trust in the LORD, and do good; you shall dwell in the land, and you shall be fed on truth.

4. Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.

5. Roll your way on the LORD; trust also in Him, and He will work.

6. And He shall bring forth your righteousness like the light, and your judgment like the noonday.

7. Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him; do not fret yourself because of him who prospers in his way, because of him who practices wickedness.

8. Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; do not fret yourself to do evil.

9. For evildoers shall be cut off; but those who wait on the LORD, they shall inherit the earth.

Notice how David says to rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him (verse 7). Waiting on God is rest. Rest is important. It’s even one of the Ten Commandments, number four on the list to be exact (Exodus 20:8). And as you see in verse 9, there is a promise, that those who wait on the Lord, shall inherit the earth.

Patience is something we will have to learn. Some things just take time, like building character. Character is made in the face of difficulties. Just as a sword is forged in a fiery furnace, just as gold is refined in fire, so are characters refined in God’s fire. And it is a long and painful process. We have to learn to be patient when dealing with all aspects of life, to take things one step at a time. We may plan ten steps ahead, but it is only by God’s grace and will that we will ever be able to make even one step ahead. So being patient is something we need to learn, and waiting is something we have to learn to do. Not all things come the moment we want it. Small things like food ordered at any food joint, bigger things like provision, and even greater things like breakthroughs or a life partner.

As for the perils of being impatient, one particular group of people comes to my mind. And they are the initial bunch of Isrealites that came out of Egypt with Moses. They were one big bunch of impatient, whiny, stubborn people, not to mention cowards too. When things get tough, they grumble and whine away, not willing to wait. One very good example of their impatience is when Moses went up Mt. Sinai to meet with God. After awhile of him being gone, they begin to grow impatient and force Aaron into making them gods to go before them. And so the golden calf was made. And we know what happened next. God was angry and wanted to wipe them all out. If it were not for Moses pleading, and God’s mercy, they would have been wiped out. But even so, about three thousand people died. The effects of our impatience now may not be as drastic as them, where death was it’s direct effect. Yet it will still bring about death to us. Spiritual death when we lose that connection with God, death in relationships when people get upset with our impatient behaviour and can no longer put up with it, emotional death from the damage of the anger and frustrations from our impatience, physical death when we may get beaten up or get involved with fights because of our stupid attitudes when we are impatient. So we too cannot run away from the effects of impatience.

And so, I’d like to close with this. Let us learn to wait. Let us be waiting for God so that we are always ready. Luke 12:36 says “And you yourselves be like men who wait for their lord, whenever he shall return from the wedding, so that when he comes and knocks, they may open to him immediately.” And let us also learn to extend this waiting to waiting for others and being patient with one another, not vent out our frustrations and anger.

I will praise You forever, because You have done it ; and I will wait on Your name; for it is good before Your saints.

Psalms 52:9

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I am an avid player of the game Bejeweled, the whole series, be it Bejeweled 1, Bejeweled 2, or the latest installment, Bejeweled Twist. I find the game very fun and mind challenging, especially Bejeweled Twist. It also challenges one’s ability to observe quickly.

The goal of the game is to match at least three jewels of the same type and colour to eliminate them from the playing board. The more the number of jewels matched, the more special the outcome will be. You get special gems for combining more than three jewels, as well as long combos. Points are awarded for matching those jewels, more if in continuous chains. There are also bonuses here and there if performance is maintained.

But this is what I’ve notice after some time of playing. Because of the goal of the game, I have become conditioned to see the patterns of the arrangement of jewels in the game, patterns that enable me to make moves. It helps me to be able to make moves faster, where you see the pattern and immediately you react by making the move. Over time, you will get used to seeing those patterns, and speed increases. The downside, however, of this conditioning, is that you loose the ability of being more creative. You lose the ability to make different kinds of moves, moves that can score even more points. You get so used to a certain style of playing that you do not see new possibilities present on the game board. And when this happens, you reach a plateau, a maximum point in which you will be able to play the game, no longer able to be better.

Can we get so used to playing the game a certain way we lose creativity? I think so. Now what about the game of life? I know, life isn’t exactly a game. But in the same way that we get conditioned in games to do things a certain way, we can also get used to doing things a certain way in life that we lose creativity in life. We become bound by routines and habits. We take the same paths each day, greeting the same people, doing the same things. There's no room for deviation or exploration. Nothing new is done. Life becomes a boring routine, with little or no life in it. No longer is there the adventure in life, the one we had when we first begun as kids. We no longer see new ways of doing things, ways that are better and more efficient, and more effective in those specific applications. New possibilities are not explored. And so we can no longer push forward as well.

This also applies to our faith. Now there are absolute truths that we cannot deviate from. The message of the Bible, who God is and His attributes, these things cannot change. However, the way in which the message of the Bible, the Gospel, is conveyed can. You see, we get so used to doing it one way, we become stagnant. We are no longer able to move with the times, and be relevant anymore. When God wants to do new things in our lives and in our communities, because of our adherence to routine, we are unable to move with God. Sometimes we even refuse to move in the new ways God want to move. Then in our personal walk with God, we get so used to seeing Him one way, we cannot see the other parts of God, which He is trying to reveal to us. We have gotten the mindset that He is a certain way, putting Him in a box, when God wants to smash that box to pieces and reveal His awesomeness. Again we arrive at a plateau, stuck there unable to move, until we break those things that bind, our mindsets, and release God's creativity in our own lives.

So the question is, have we gotten used to living life a certain way, losing the adventure of life, changing it into a boring routine? Have we made our spiritual life a routine as well, never exploring the numerous possibilities with God?

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Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.

Benjamin Lee Whorf

As we know the government recently decided to revert the teaching of science and mathematics back to Bahasa Malaysia (BM) from the brief time period of those subjects being taught in  English, dubbed teaching and learning science and mathematics in English (PPSMI) (For those wondering why the acronym does not tie up with the words, it’s because the acronym is in BM. How clever...). I, personally, do not agree with this decision. I believe, it is in the interest of the students, the country and our future that those subjects be thought in the English language, rather than BM.

This is not to say I am against BM. It is an interesting language in it’s own way, and useful for communication. What I am trying to push forth here is that the future of the next generation and even our nation hangs in the balance here. Let’s first look at the findings of studies and observations on PPSMI. It says that it’s implementation could not achieve the desired results. Here’s a closer look, direct from theSun, July 9, 2009.

“What has been implemented was PPSMI/BM, whereby teachers where teaching science and maths in both languages, English and BM,” he (Deputy Prime Minister and education minister Tan Sri Muhyiddin Yassin) said.

Among the observations made were:

• Only a small percentage of teachers use full English in the teaching of science and maths;
• Only 53% to 58% of the whole period allocated for the two subjects were conducted in English;
• Only some of the mathematics and science teachers who took the English Proficiency Level Assessment test reached the proficiency level; and
• The gap between the performances of the urban and rural schools in mathematics and science has widened.

He said surveys by local universities found the improvement in pupils’ English proficiency was nominal at 3% during the implementation of the PPSMI.

Now if you wonder why PPSMI is considered a partial failure, the results itself gives some clues to why they did not manage to achieve their objectives.

First two points and Tan Sri’s statement. One reason why it did not manage to increase the proficiency of English is because the teachers are not doing what their supposed to, that is to teach in English. Only a small percentage of them do. And the rest teach in a mesh up of English and BM. I am fine if you have to explain at times in BM, to help the students understand, but you still have to teach it in English. The main points must be carried across in English, not BM. Having some experience teaching both those subjects, I know that sometimes it is necessary to explain in BM. In fact I also have to explain in Mandarin too (which was a pretty big challenge since I am not well versed in Mandarin). But it is to supplement the understanding of the subject, not to be used as the main medium by which you teach.

Why do the teachers teach in both languages? Clue is in point three. Not all the English proficiency of the teachers are up to par. So because of the that, they are unable carry out the classes in English. The sentences formed become unclear, disjointed at times. The students are then unable to get what the teacher is teaching, let alone grasp it. If you reflect for a moment, the teachers inability to teach in English, is actually a product of those subjects being taught in BM. You see, most teachers actually come from a generation where science and mathematics was taught in BM to them. So you can say you are seeing the effects of those subjects being taught in BM already, which in turn cause the problem we have now, where they are unable to deliver in English. If you are going to revert back to the old ways, you will get the same results again, creating a further spiral.

On the gap widening between urban and rural students, it’s because those in the rural areas do not have as high a proficiency in English as some of the urban students do. Which is sad, because if you survey the English standard of the urban students themselves, the result may not be very high too, which means the standard of English in rural areas is even worse. Not to put down, rural students here. There are cases where those in rural areas excel as well. If you look at the tops students in public exams, those right at the top are actually from small towns, not exactly urban students. So what’s stopping the rural students if they can grab the top spots from city students?

Improvement being nominal at 3% is because PPSMI was not implemented in it’s entirety.

Also, the time frame used for the PPSMI studies I find is not long enough. To date, there is only two batches that have gone through PPSMI, and that is those from Form 1 up to Form 5. A full, all out PPSMI product from Standard 1 all the way to Form 5 has not been produced yet. Two batches of SPM graduates I feel is not enough to get a wholesome picture, what more that those two batches only started in Form 1 and not from Standard 1 in English. So the results we have now is not really a good representation of the PPSMI programme yet.

One problem I find why some students cannot cope with science and maths being in English is because their level of English is not up to par. While teaching those two subjects, I find that the students are unable to string together sentences to get their point across. That’s why they do not do well in the subjective parts of the exams when they can fair pretty well in objective parts. They are unable to also understand somewhat what is required of them when faced with questions because of the lack of understanding and proficiency of English. So the standard of English really needs a boost, more than nitrogen oxide in cars.

Then add the technical side of science that needs to be particular. I find that the way the papers are marked are too rigid, where there is a specific way to answer the questions. Now yes, there needs to be some form of structure so that science can be uniform. However, the structure set has been to rigid. One person is marked wrong because they did not follow the exact sentence structure specified to answer a specific question, when if you read the answer, you get the point, which is correct. Under such rigid circumstances, the proficiency of English is unable to develop, because it becomes a memory game, where you remember the specific way how the sentences used to put the answer together is.

Why all this fuss about these two subjects being in BM? Well it is because our future is at stake. As we all know, English is the international language. It is also the medium used in the scientific and mathematical world. If we are to stick to our own language, we will form a bubble in which our knowledge is inhibited. New knowledge from the outside world will have to go through a tough time of being translated to our own language so that people can understand it and vice versa where inside knowledge must go through the same process to get out. This will cause a time period to form before there is any exchange in knowledge, and thus will cause a lag in our knowledge. And so we, Malaysians are forced to lag behind others in regards to breakthoughs in the real world.

The teaching and learning of science and mathematics in English also makes it easier to adapt to tertiary education life. In colleges and universities, English is used as the main medium. Most subjects will be taught in English, especially the science related subjects. This is because the studies in those fields have been done in English. And so, the terms in those subjects are in English, except for the Latin names of species and the like. Even in Form 6, which university entrance requires and is on par with international pre-university studies, the medium used for science related subjects and maths is English. Why wait until you have reached that level only change and learn English, getting a huge culture shock in the process, when preparation could and can be done much earlier? Furthermore, the things that are learnt in pre-u studies are a lot harder than at secondary school, which is supposed to prepare the students to face pre-u and later university. If the ground work is not done in secondary school, you will be effectively adding a whole lot more workload on to the students, who are pretty much packed already in pre-u and university. Do you want them to be even more bogged down than they already are?

So as a whole, we see many disadvantages to changing the teaching and learning of science and maths back to BM. It may yield (supposed) benefits in the short term, but in the long term we’re just going to lose out. It’s not a matter of the language per say, it’s about being relevant and competitive in our ever advancing world. We don’t want Malaysia to fade into oblivion now do we?

Language is the roadmap of a culture. It tells you where its people came from and where they are going.

Rita Mae Brown

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When you are always right, someday you will have no one left.

Ele Musael

In life we always have arguments. And in most cases, one party is right or the winner, while the other party is wrong or gives in. In arguments, we always win some, and lose some. It’s our flawed mentality where we make mistakes sometimes. No human is perfect, thus, no one can be right all the time.

But then, some may insist that they are right, even though they are wrong. These people will pressurise others into taking them as right, although everyone knows they are wrong. They throw tantrums when people confront them. Pressure and tension mount until the other party cannot stand it any longer that they give in, although they know they are right. Others manipulate their way until they are right, i.e.. they have their way. Some may even go as far as to eliminate those that do not conform to their wishes.

This applies to both individuals as well as organisations or parties. This way of things may help you to get your way. But, in the long run, others will get feed-up of you that they will leave you. Or they will no longer support you. So think again, when you want your way no matter what. It will only be in time that you will find yourself all alone, or without support, people refusing to back you up or re-elect you. You can never be always right because you will be wrong someday. And when it comes, acknowledge that you are and improve.

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