Musings

I have a dream...

Martin Luther King Jr.

Famous line isn’t it? Every one of us has dreams. When we are kids we dream of becoming someone great, to achieve something in life. We want to be a doctor, an engineer, an artist, a musician, etc. To own our own company, our own line of products, a family. To change our community, our state, our nation and the world.

Yet, how many times it seems that we cannot achieve our dreams? How many peoples dreams have been killed by reality, by life like in the song ‘I Dreamed a Dream’ from that musical, Les Misérables, recently made famous by the wonderful singer, Susan Boyle.

What went wrong? Why do our dreams seem to die as we grow older? Is it that we finally come to terms that some dreams are meant to just remain as dreams? That they cannot be achieved? Why must circumstances and situations kill our dreams? Then sometimes it’s us ourselves who kill our own dreams, and make ourselves subject to what we see as fate.

Well one begs to ask, is our dreams the right dreams if we cannot achieve them? Some dreams seem to be very good on first thought. Dreams like to become rich, to be successful all seem like good dreams to strive for. And sometimes it is those dreams that are achieved by certain individuals. But in those cases, sometimes the reason why we have those dreams can affect whether we achieve them or not. Why do you want to be rich? Is it to help others, to raise the standard of living for your family and community? Or is it more selfish or even sinister reasons? Same goes with being famous. Do you want to be famous so that you can use your influence to shine light on issues that are going on, to be the voice for the voiceless, to respond to the plights of others in a bigger way? Or do you want to be famous to propel your status further, to use it for your own gain. Why not we question our motives and reasons for those kinds of dreams.

Then also whether our dreams are the right dreams in another sense. Are those dreams what we are meant to do in life, our life’s purpose? Sometimes we strive for dreams that we think are meant for us. But then in the process we keep facing opposition and trials that keep heaping up on us. It’s like every move we make is met by a wall. Well then, I’d think it would be time to rethink those dreams. Maybe those dreams are not meant for us. An example then to illustrate this point. Let’s say there is this young man. He dreams to be a great runner, maybe even legendary if it were possible. And he trains everyday to achieve that dream of his and in the beginning he seems to be able to progress well, building his stamina and speed. But then he arrives at this plateau. No matter how hard he pushes himself further, he cannot seem to make anymore progress. And comparing to the competition, there seems to always be others who are better at it than him. In his case, I’d think he cannot seem to be able to achieve it because that’s not what he was meant to be. He was not gifted to be a great, legendary runner. Determination can only get him so far. There is the other part that is beyond our control. There is a difference between talents and gifts and skill. Skill can be gained with practice. But skill can never over take talent, for talent is God given. This can also apply to other areas which may not seem so evident.

And also sometimes the dreams are right, but the method is not how God meant it to be. Let’s take a slightly different look at it then. Now here is a man, who is absolutely on fire for God. Then God gives him a revelation that he will reach out to thousands of people. This then becomes his dream. It’s good isn’t it? And we’d think that God would bless him in his pursuit of doing so, because God Himself gave him this dream. So now the man in his heart decides he will become a great evangelist. He will go to stadiums and reach out to the thousand each time. He is resolved to be among the likes of Billy Graham and Reinhard Bonnke. So he goes of to Bible college and equips himself to do all that. Things still seem fine. Then he takes his first step. He gets the venues and all the other things needed for a mass crusade. He prepares himself physically and mentally, and also to some extent spiritually. Then here comes the day. He goes on and preaches his heart out. But then at alter call, nothing. No one responds. Disappointed, he goes to God and questions. God reassures him that he will reach the thousands. So he sets off again, planning for the next crusade and prepares himself. But the same thing happens. Maybe a slightly better result where some people do respond. But it’s not the result he has been hoping and hearing about. And this seems to repeat itself over and over and he has about given up. He comes back to God, questioning once more. But God still assures him that he would reach the thousands. “But then why do I not see it happening?” “Because you have been doing it your way, not Mine. You’re not meant to be a mass evangelist. You are to reach them one by one in your relationships. And at the end of your life it would have been thousands.” Imagine that. He’s been pursuing the dream, yes? But in the wrong way. How many times do we jump at things and just rush into it, doing things how we think it should be done instead of really seeking God and how He wants it to be.

So here we’ve talked mainly about when we don’t achieve our dreams because they are not the right dreams or because we’ve been trying the wrong way. But if your dream really is the right dream, and you have been following God’s instructions and ways and your dreams still seem far, then don’t stop running after it. Go for your dreams. Don’t stop dreaming. Don’t let trials and troubles kill your dream. Count on God. When things seem to go in the wrong direction in your opinion, don’t fret. Look to God, place your hope in Him to complete what He has started, for “We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God--those whom he has called according to his plan.” Romans 8:28. So act on your dreams. Work on them. Don’t just be a dreamer. Be someone who wakes up to find that dream becoming reality.

Dreams come true. Without that possibility, nature would not incite us to have them.

John Updike

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The people in the BMW X5 fell silent. Both occupants in the car have given up talking to each other. ‘It would only cause the next fight’, they thought. Young Abel slips his headphones over his head. The earpieces make contact with his ears. He looks at his iPod, clicks through his library to a certain playlist, and hits the center button. Loud metal music comes blasting through his headphones, slamming into his eardrums in full force. The music was so loud Alex, the one driving, could hear it. “Hey, turn it down!” Alex shouts, trying to reach Abel through his loud music. Abel continues listening to his music, oblivious to what his father just told him.

“Turn it down! You want to go deaf?”

Alex reaches over, giving Abel a punch to the shoulder. Abel glances over and gives his dad an angry stare. He is still fuming from the previous confrontation.

Minutes before this, father and son were having a blast. They just had pizza over at the mall, watched an awesome movie. Father and son bonding was good. It’s been quite sometime since they were able to spend time like this together. Alex was busy with his work. He had a multi-million dollar deal to close. The profits that would proceed from it numbered in the billions if all went well. Busy going to meeting after meeting, deciding where the direction of the company would be in the next five to ten years. Big plans have been made. Now it is seeing those plans through.

Abel on the other hand was busy too. Busy with school. A 17 year old teenager has many things to do. Homework, assignments, projects. All things add up to less and less time. Not to mention extra curricular activities in school. Abel was the ideal high school student. He was excelling in his studies, scoring ‘A’ after ‘A’. And then there’s his sports achievements. He’s the captain of not just the school team, but also the state football team. Dozens of trophies line his cabinets. Everything from track events, to basketball tournaments, to poetry and song writing competitions to of course, football tournaments. He was and is the guy everyone looked up to. Yet, inside he knew, he wasn’t satisfied.

“So was that good?” Alex, trying to start a conversation.

“It was awesome, Dad. I really liked that movie. It kicked ass.”

Alex gives a slight frown. “Abel, don’t use words like that.”

“Aww Dad, don’t give me that talk again. I’m tired of those behave-yourself talks already.”

“But son, it’s important that we watch out language. Jesus won’t be happy with that sort of language.”

“Aww come on Dad. Not that Jesus crap again.”

“Hey what are you calling crap?” Voices begin to raise.

“Well that’s just what it is to me, to be honest.”

“That’s mighty disrespectful of you, Abel. I’ll let you know I do not approve of such language, and will not put up with it.”

“Well Dad, if you want to know what I feel, I’ll tell you that this is just more of your I-am-holier-than-thou crap all you Christians have. Going around disapproving of everything that’s normal, acting all so high and mighty. You know what? I don’t give a crap ‘bout ‘em cause I know the true side behind it all. You are all just a bunch of hypocrites!”

“Hey, you’re getting really rude! What’s with the bad language?! Must be the bunch of friends you have been hanging out with. Have you been mixing with Michael and his bunch again?”

“It’s not their fault, Dad! Don’t go blaming ‘em for everything that goes wrong. That’s exactly what everyone else at church does. They disapprove of everyone and judging everyone, acting all so holy.”

“You shouldn’t be mixing with Michael. He’s bad influence. I told you before to distance yourself from him. He’s bad company.”

“Clearly you don’t know how the Christian kids are like at school. You want to know what they do? Well, they just exclude everyone they deem “a bad influence.” They’re untouchable. A bunch of too-good-for-you people. Much like the Pharisees of old, all self-righteous, living in their own world. And not only that, they label others as sinners. And at the only times that they do try to make contact with people outside their circle, they’re constantly shoving the Bible in their faces, telling them they’ll end up in Hell someday. Who wants that?!”

“Now this has gone far enough! You’re grounded for a week!”

“Fine!”

The car continues to cruise in silence. Abel’s iPod just finished playing song 4 on his playlist. He has been staring out the window for the whole duration, though it was more just to not look at his dad. The scenery outside was beautiful. They were cruising along the countryside. Just further beyond they could see the forest’s edge. Tall and firm the conifers stood, lining the forest edge, slowly growing denser as one’s eyes wonder deeper into the forest. Then behind those trees, stood a mountain, huge and majestic, crowned with snow, the sun lighting its face like a great flood light as it moves steadily downwards behind it. Yet, Abel cannot see this beauty. His mind wonders off to times before.

He remembers the fine drizzle of rain. Standing under a large black umbrella in a black suit and tie, peering into the 6 feet hole, where the brown box lay. In it slept Mother, seemingly at peace with God, herself and the world. ‘What will I do now that you’re gone?’ whispered Abel in his mind, as a single tear found its way down his cheek. He remembers how the agony of the previous days, sitting by Mother’s bedside, holding her hand knowing that she may very soon let go of his. How those times he cried out to the God of his father to save Mother. “If you would just give her more time here, I would do anything,” was what he used to say. But there he is, standing at the product of this ‘loving’ God, who took his Mother away from him. It was then that he decided that if that was how God was, he would rather not know him.

Seven years has passed since his decision. He looks at his watch to see the date. “Seven years exactly,” he mumbles. Alex notices this and glances over. Seeing his son in a sudden state of reflection, he speaks up again.

“Today is her anniversary isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” was all Abel could manage, in a low soft voice. He began to feel the loss again.

“Why not we go visit her?”

Abel only lifted his shoulders. Alex made a U-turn and they made their way to Mother’s final resting place. Alex found a parking spot among the many parking lots at the memorial park, one of many that were empty. They got out of the car, and began their walk towards Mother’s grave, both silent.

Abel looks around. Rows and rows of white tombstones in the shape of crosses mark where someone lay. Who exactly they were he knows not. All he knows is that there were many others there. Some may have been forgotten, others dearly missed. How they feel, Abel knew not. He could only walk in reflection.

A gentle breeze began to blow as they walked under the shade of a great tree. Its branches reached out a great distance from its stem, creating a natural shade for those who decide to stay beneath it. There, they find Mother’s grave, the tombstone still grey and poise. The evening light still bright illuminates the gravestone’s face. On it are marked the words ‘A brave woman, a loving mother.’ As the two men step closer towards it, they cast shadows over it.

They stand that way in silence, each deep in their own thoughts. Abel remembers her touch, the warmth of her fingers as they embrace his face. Her assuring voice speaks ever so softly, yet in them is such conviction and love, such assurance. Her voice seems to be able to drown out all the storms that rage in his heart and mind.

Since her death, Abel has placed his all into his studies and activities. He constantly kept himself busy, throwing himself into every challenge that came his way. Every subject, every sport. And in doing so he excelled in every one of them. He gets so busy he no longer has time for himself, for family. Even his friends, those that he regards as real friends, have slowly decreased in numbers. Yes, he was popular for his achievements, having many friends and many more who wanted to be his friends. But those who have really been with him through thick and thin, seems to have grown distant. Seems he no longer recognises them. He no longer recognises even himself. On the outside he looks fine, even thriving, yet inside, he knows he is empty. All this achievements he thought would satisfy him just can’t seem to fill that emptiness he feels. Inside, there’s just this chasm that’s never filled. Deep inside he longs for Mother, and maybe more than that. All that was to keep his mind off missing Mother, and from those hard questions about Mother’s departure.

“It’s been seven years, has it not? Seven long years,” Alex finally spoke, breaking the long silence.

“Yes, seven long years.”

“And yet, we have not seemed to have gotten over it,” Alex says, voice breaking towards the end, as emotions begin to swell.

Abel is surprised, shocked even as he slowly lifts his gaze towards his father. His father, the one who has stood tall, seemed unaffected as he looked into his dear wife’s grave that rainy evening, now was hunched over, sobbing. Abel has never seen his dad show such grief and weakness before. All his life, his father has been strong. He has always been the one who when everything seemed to go wrong, could be looked to to stay calm and collected, giving clear and sound advice. His father was the one who would tell him, to get himself together when he was on the verge of breaking down, to tell him to be tough. This just rendered him silent in bewilderment.

Alex tries to regain his composure, raising his head once again, straightening his figure. He looks over to his son, forcing a smile on his face.

“Sorry. I just miss her so much.”

Silence.

“I still miss her so much. And how many times I have hoped she wasn’t gone, to be able to see her every morning when I wake up, to be able to smell the soothing smell of the coffee she makes every morning, to feel her hand on my shoulders after a long day at work and in times when I feel like giving up.” Alex slowly looks away, gazing into the plains beyond his wife’s grave. “She was such a great woman, Abel, so strong. She was the one who held me together when things got tough. So many times when I thought I could no longer take it, your mother would be there to encourage me, to tell me that things would be alright. And I believed her, and look where we have come. I would not have succeeded if it were not for her constant support. I wonder sometimes how I have made it after she left us. But seems I have not really made it.” Alex breaks into a small smile, eyes beginning to water again.

“We have not made it, Dad,” Abel finally speaks up, turning his gaze away from his father, onto the tombstone. “I miss her too. I miss her voice, her touch. She can just make the world stop when she looks into my eyes, with her hand on my cheek. I miss those times when she assured me that it would be alright too. Her voice just rings so clear in all the noise around when she utters those words.” His voice grows raspy as he fights to contain his feelings. The floodgates of tears seem to just want to burst open. “I miss her so much, Dad.”

Abel could no longer hold his feelings. He closes his eyes, lets the tears flow. He bends over, hides his face in his hands. Then, this arm just came around his shoulder. He looks up to see his father’s arm around him. He breaks, buries his head in his father’s shoulders, and continues to cry. Alex places his hand on the back of Abel’s head, gently stroking it.

“It’s okay, Abel. You can cry. We need to cry sometimes.” Alex’s tears begin to flow too.

Minutes pass as the two hold that position, crying in each other’s arms. The wind rustles the leaves on the old great tree, in time with their sobs. Leaves begin to fall around them, looking like a gentle rain. Alex lifts Abel’s head.

“I know I can never fulfil her place, her role in your life. I try, Abel. I try my best to be the father that she hopes I will be. To be the person who you can look up to, to be the shoulder that you can cry on, the person you can run to when you need to escape. I try my very best, but I seem to have failed. I spend so much time away, that I hardly have been there when you need me.” Alex could no longer hold his son’s gaze, too overcome with his perceived failure.

“No, Dad. You have always been there for me in your own way. Though you may not be there to hold me all the time, I knew you were there to support me. And you were always there when it mattered, your presence overshadowing me, assuring me.” The tears stopped, though the eyes were still wet. “And for that I thank you.”

Alex could only be silent as those words reached deep into his heart. All the times he felt he was failing his son, his wife, himself, seemed too many to count. Yet here, those words just spoke to him. He could only manage a smile, a genuine smile. He gave Abel a strong hug. Abel hugged back.

“I tried so hard to remain strong when she left, that I think we have not had the opportunity to really grieve over her.” Abel moved now to be at his father’s side, Alex’s arm still on his shoulder.

“Well, Dad, I think we just did that,” smiling as he looked once more at his father.

“Yes, son, I believe we just did. I do not know why God willed this, but I know He has greater plans, plans we don’t know yet. And I know that she’s happy in His presence, in paradise. And we will see her someday.”

This time Abel was no longer angry with this God. No longer he felt his hatred toward the one who took his mother away. Love just flooded his heart as he accepted the truth that his earthly father just told him. Inside he knew, he had been running. Running away from the fact that this God loved him too. That this Father God loved him and Mother. He struggled before to reconcile the fact that this God who was love could take his mother away. But now he knew, that it was for love that God took her away. Away from suffering. Now all he wanted was to seek out this God. He wanted to know more of what this God had in store. And to open his heart to let His love in.

“Yes, Dad. I now know that too.” The two men, now stronger, stood still, arms around each other’s shoulder. They look on, into space, their silhouette against the sky that signalled the arrival of dusk.

Happy Fathers' Day

And a Happy Belated Mothers' Day

Thank you and God bless you all.

P.S. Sorry if it looks a little weird, with formatting not how it should look.

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Recently, the director-general of the Institute of Islamic Understanding Malaysia (Ikim), Datuk Dr Syed Ali Tawfik Al-Attas said that the call to Islam is a willing and conscious submission, hence it cannot be forced upon anybody, including the conversion of a child or minor to Islam (The Star, Fri 12 June 2009).

He said this was because of the ability to think and reason was a vital element for a non-Muslim to choose whether to become a Muslim.

“A child who has not reached umur baligh (age of maturity) cannot be burdened with the responsibility of accepting something he does not understand as his faculties of reason are still immature.

“Therefore, it is unreasonable to say that one can simply convert a child,” he said in his keynote address titled “Crisis in Religious Thinking”…

He said a person who converted a child to Islam was actually forcing the child to accept the burden of responsibility when Allah did not command such a burden be placed on the child who had not reached the age of maturity.

The Star, Fri 12 June 2009

Now, we all know in our Malaysian Constitution, we have the freedom of religion. In Part II - Fundamental Liberties, of the Constitution, Article 11 Clause (1) states:

Every person has the right to profess and practice his religion and, subject to Clause (4), to propagate it.

So here we know that each person can profess their own faith and propagate it. But if you notice, the second parts is subjected to Clause (4), which states:

State law and in respect of the Federal Territories of Kuala Lumpur and Labuan, federal law may control or restrict the propagation of any religious doctrine or belief among persons professing the religion of Islam.

It seems to me that clause (4) is conflicting with clause (1), if it were not for clause (1) being subjected to clause (4). Here, you are inhibiting the options for people of the said faith. When you do not present alternatives or options, is there real freedom of choice?

So if one were to look carefully, there actually is no true freedom of religion. The thing is that this freedom seems to only be applicable to those who are not of a certain ethnic group when seen in real life situations. The other ethnic groups are free to accept and practice whatever religion they want in accordance to the said article in the constitution. However, this specific ethnic group is trapped in that they have to be of a certain religion or at least profess to be of that religion.

From the above excerpt from the newspaper, it seems that the director-general of Ikim is saying that children should have the right to choose their own religion. They are not to be forcibly converted to Islam, for they are not ready and cannot truly understand what their ‘decision’ is. I agree with his opinion. In fact, I’d say it does not just apply to Islam, but every other religion as well. One’s belief cannot be forced onto another. One has to decide for one’s own self what he or she believes in. We may argue and debate, but in the end, the individual has the right to choose to believe in what he or she believes in.

But if that is the case, then why is it that babies born of the certain ethnic group must profess that faith then? Isn’t it even worse than a child conversion, given the fact that a baby has no say at all? Why then does the Constitution, under Article 12 (4), says:

For the purposes of Clause (3) the religion of a person under the age of eighteen years shall be decided by his parent or guardian.

A baby cannot even think of its own future, cannot utter a single word. Yet, he or she is then brought up as a believer of that faith, “born with the religion”. Is there such a thing as being born into a religion, if you say that every person has the right to choose his or her own beliefs? This also applies to the others under the age of 18 years as stated in the above article.

Not only that, as the person grows up, he or she has to follow and profess that religion. There is no such thing as a conversion to another faith is they have been in that faith. How is it then that there is freedom of religion for that person? We can clearly see that he or she has no choice, and thus no freedom of religion. And is one of those does decide that they believe in something else, they are immediately faced with many challenges. They cannot openly express their new found faith, without the risk of being shunned by their peers, denied many opportunities and being stonewalled, face many legal challenges and battles, and even imprisonment or detention. They are forced to go underground with their faith or risk being reported and detained. Where is freedom of religion in that?

And since I am on this matter, let’s digress a slight bit here. Article 12 Clause (3) states:

No person shall be required to receive instruction in or take part in any ceremony or act of worship of a religion other than his own.

Why then must we all go through the ceremonies of a certain religion in an official ceremony?

I am for equal rights for everyone, including them, especially in the matter of such an important area such as one’s faith. And so I here, would have to stand my ground, against this violation of their rights to freedom of religion. To quote again what Dr Syed Ali has said, the call to Islam is a willing and conscious submission, hence cannot be forced upon anybody. And to add, anybody here means anybody, regardless of age, gender, or even ethnicity. You cannot force, be it at gunpoint, or even legal or social action.

P.S. To lawyers, please guide me if you see places of error. I am no law student so my interpretations may be rather, unprofessional?

P.P.S. I need to get a copy of the (latest updated) Constitution. Anyone knows where I can get it? I heard it’s given out for free at certain places, or was it for a minimum fee?

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I don't think guitar "teachers" really exist anyway. They're at best just guides and mentors and can only show how to negotiate part of the journey. Guitar "students", though, will always exist...every one of us is a student forever (excepting the fools!).

Raggy Singh, on Facebook

I find this quote very interesting. It’s true. There is no real teacher, if you think about it. They may offer guidance, giving us the building blocks, but unlike a teacher, the aim is not to educate, but to provide the tools so that they may blossom into their own. Each guitarist is pretty much unique. He or she may be influenced by the styles of other people, but what they come up with is, in fact theirs. Unless they’re just playing exact covers of course, but even then, there are slight nuances that they bring to it. You can’t play exactly like the original, doing it exactly like the original player. And the second part about students, we really are all students forever. Learning is a lifelong process. More new things will surface. You cannot say you have learnt it all, because in due time, you will come across something that you have not known. And so we learn from everyone, unless we choose not to. That is foolish, for why do you not want to learn new things?

Raggy’s quote has gotten me thinking though. His quote can actually be widened in to all areas of life actually. Yes, we do have teachers. They teach us things and so they are teachers. But, in a truer sense, they are not real teachers. Like in the second part, they can only show how to negotiate part of the journey. They do not know it all. They know not the future. And so, there will be areas that they will be unable to help us and we will have to learn and fight on our own. They give guidelines, the tools, but using and applying them is our own choice and doing.

However, there is one true teacher. There is One who really does know it all. He knows the past, the present and the future. From Him, all wisdom and knowledge comes forth. That teacher I am talking about is God. He knows our beginning to our end. He is omniscient. And so, He the only one qualified to be the one and only, True Teacher.

The thing is how many of us do take the time to learn from him? We look to so many other avenues before we go to learn from Him. The Internet, media, friends, institutions and family (normally in that order) before we actually come to the source of all knowledge. Interesting isn’t it? It is only in moments of desperation that we finally go to Him, when we have exhausted every humanly possible avenue. When He on the other hand is just waiting to pour (almost) all He knows to us. He of course won’t reveal every single detail. It would cause a SERIOUS information overload, much worse than the information overload we have now, considering the fact that He knows what we have not hand yet to find. He will reveal what we need, not too much.

Too much knowledge too soon is detrimental. One, it can overwhelm us. We always fear not knowing our futures, true? So many questions that need to be answered, decisions that need to be made, and if we could see our futures perhaps it would be easier to make those decisions. That’s why we humans are so fascinated with mystics that tell us our future. Fortune tellers, fortune cookies (to me a real fortune cookie is a cookie with a real fortune, i.e. money, in them =P), astrology, psychics. We are all trying to get a glimpse of our future. But I think, not knowing is also a good thing. If God were to reveal the great plans He has for us, the big things in life we are to do for Him, would you not be scared? Overwhelmed? And that would strike fear in us, crippling us from taking a single step, in fear of the great journey ahead. But if we didn’t know, God revealing things a step at a time, wouldn’t it be easier for us to follow what He points us to, overcoming bit by bit? And in so doing also we learn to trust Him, to put our faith in Him, and to grow our faith.

Another reason is that our futures may get to our head. When we realise the great exploits we are to do, we can get full of ourselves, growing proud. We begin to look at ourselves, losing focus of the Master. Rather than looking upwards, we look only inwards. We get cocky, arrogant. We may even brag of it and elevate ourselves above the others. Our character will not be developed and prepared for what is ahead. We lose those people who will be able to run with us willingly. Even paid workers get fed up of their bosses, if they go overboard. What more people who willingly join you to serve God, not for personal gain? In the end, we are unable to carry out God's plans for our lives because we have been too caught up looking at ourselves.

And a final point here is that knowledge too soon may destroy us. I’ll give an example here. Now most people learn of sex when they enter into adulthood at adolescence, right? That is the most common age we begin to know about it. Now why then? Because that is the most suitable age. That is the time when one’s body goes through the changes that changes a boy in to a man and a girl into a woman (at least physically). That is when the questions begin to arise and will need guidance. Now, let’s say I think ahead and I jump this order. I teach a young kid about sex. What would happen? I would probably destroy the kid's life. He would either be traumatised, disturbed, or grow to be a pervert or maybe even a psycho. Exposing him to knowledge that he is not meant to know at that age will indeed destroy him. And same goes with us in life. Knowing too much will just cause a breakdown, a total meltdown.

And so, we are all students in life. Students of the Master Teacher, the one True Teacher. It’s not easy. The lessons He teaches can be hard to digest sometimes. Painful to learn. But only when we subject ourselves under His guidance are we able to be moulded and developed. Like a lump of clay will forever be a lump of clay, until it is placed in the potter’s hands to be moulded and shaped into the vase or pot or anything the potter plans. Then will it be beautiful and useful, a blessing to those who come into contact with it. And likewise are we. To sit at His feet and learn. The process is lifelong, and so we are students forever, unless we chose not to and become fools in the process, like Raggy said.

A single conversation with a wise man is better than ten years of study.  (What more a wise God? =)

Chinese Proverb. Last line added by Ele Musael

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We don’t really like them now do we? Every time we hear a cliché, we go “So clichéd…” and then just shrug it off. We push aside those phrases, sometimes even belittling the people who have tried to comfort us with them. We give that one-kind look at them, and think that they’re not really doing a good job.

But the funny thing is, most of the time, those clichés are found to be true. If we were to really test them out in life, they do stand true.

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There is no coming to consciousness without pain.

Carl Jung

In life we all go through pain. When we are born, we experience pain (not to mention the pain our mothers felt too). As we grow older, things also happen and we feel pain. Growing up is a painful process. We fall down and it hurts. We get cuts and bruises and we feel the pain. We did not heed the warnings of our parents, get ourselves in dangerous situations, and we feel the pain of it. Play with fire when our parents warned us not too and you feel the pain of being burn. Fall sick and we feel the pain of sore throats, running noses and many more. In short, pain can be said as a constant in life.

Now there’s one form of pain that I’d like to bring into focus. It’s the pain of discipline. As we all know, we get disciplined in many ways, and for many things as well. When we were younger, we get disciplined by spanking. And those really do hurt. We may act tough and all at times but inside we know it hurts. Even in school, we get caned at times as a form of discipline. The pain of discipline. This form of pain may not even be physical. When people confront us to discipline us, especially when we are older, it normally is no longer physical discipline such as caning anymore. Very often it is just a reprimand, scolding, or 'lectured' as it is called among Malaysian youths. This still hurts. It hurts our egos. The pain here is internal, not external.

There is another form of pain also that I’d like to point out. It is the pain of love. Many times we know the people we love and who love us hurt us. Being open to love and be loved is to be open to being hurt as well. It’s vulnerability. To really feel love, you have to open your heart. This allows you to feel real love. Yet, it can also back fire on you. Opening up to love is also opening to the possibility of hurt. And most of the time it happens. Sometimes, it’s caused by loving the wrong person. In our romantic love relationships, we fall in love with the wrong guy or girl. When things turn sour, we get hurt. Then there’s also hurt by people who genuinely care. It may be unintentional. Like our parents for instance. They may say things at times that really hurt us, though when they say them they mean no harm. Same goes with friends. And these wounds cut deep.

As humans, we always try to avoid pain. In fact, all living organism respond to pain by running away from it, avoiding it. Most of the time of course, it is a good reflex. It saves us from further and greater hurt. Most of the time it can save our lives. But then, there are other times when we have to face the pain. It’s sometimes necessary to go through the pain. We can’t just run away forever.

Take for instance running away from the pain of discipline. Yeah, being disciplined is painful. It’s no fun when you get disciplined. But sometimes it’s necessary. Discipline sets you back on track. It keeps you grounded and not going wild. We want things our way, and most of the time, our way is not a good way. Our nature is to do wrong. And so we end up facing discipline. But also with our nature, we want to avoid that discipline. We run when we know we will have to face the music. You remember running from your parents when you did something wrong, don’t you? I know I do. And also we run from our teachers too. And at times, we avoid the accepting the responsibility of our behaviour. M. Scott Peck explains why when he said, “The difficulty we have in accepting responsibility for our behaviour lies in the desire to avoid the pain of the consequences of that behaviour.” But you know, running away from the pain does not get rid of it. Sooner or later we still must face the music. We still get ‘lectured’, spanked and what not. So face it. When you have done something wrong, you have to face its consequences.

We actually lose out a lot when we continue to avoid the pain. For one, you lose the wisdom behind facing the pain. In the book of Proverbs, discipline is almost always put together with wisdom. One way is that they go hand in hand. And another is that discipline brings wisdom. We learn from mistakes, don’t we? But how are we to learn from them, if we keep avoiding their consequences? When you face something you have the opportunity to learn from it. For example, you learn how to ride a bike by actually doing it, getting on one and trying it. And in the process of course you will fall and feel the pain of falling. But if you avoid riding the bike because you want to avoid the pain of falling, when will you ever learn to ride the bike then? And so likewise, we will never learn from experience and consequences if we keep avoiding them. I like what Jim Rohn said. “We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment.”

Then we also lose out on the relationships that could have been. This applies to both types of pain that I have highlighted. When we avoid the pain of discipline we lose out on the relationship with the person giving us the discipline. Now, normally the one who disciplines us loves us, correct? There is a Chinese saying that roughly translates to “Hitting (corporal punishment) is love, scolding is love.” This means that when someone spanks you or scold you, the person is expressing his or her love for you, by disciplining you, trying to correct you so you do not do wrong again. The person disciplining you cares enough about you that he or she is willing to confront you about it. Proverbs 27:5 says “Better is open rebuke than hidden love.” It’s better to correct a person when he or she is wrong, bringing them back to the right path, then to allow them to continue on doing the wrong thing, leading them to their own destruction. And so when these people are disciplining you, they are effectively trying to save you. And this applies to both God and man.

As before we know that being open to relationships means also being open to hurts. So are you going to avoid having relationships, be it friendships as well as romantic relationships, to avoid the pain of being hurt? If we keep just avoiding people, building walls to protect ourselves from these pains, than we also lose out on these relationships. We become alone, lonely. And in so doing we hurt ourselves because there’s no one there. Being alone is painful as well. In fact, Paul Tillich says that "Language... has created the word 'loneliness' to express the pain of being alone." Put it this way. I used the phrase building walls to protect ourselves. Well that is true. But the thing about walls is, it not just keeps the things outside outside. It also shuts the things inside inside. In building walls around ourselves we are basically shutting ourselves away, creating our own cage. And the end result is we lose out on those relationships we could have had that would make the world beautiful. But if we face the pain and continue to love, one day we will find that love was worth the pain. Mother Teresa once said, ““I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”

So are you going to avoid pain and lose out on other things? Pain is a constant of life. We feel it no matter what we do to avoid it, just the way we get it is different. So why go to extremes to avoid them, and lose out on other things? Let’s face them and learn and connect. Embrace pain, not in a sadistic or masochistic way, but as a learning experience and as a chance to love one another. Pain moulds our character. But we have to choice of what it will mould us into most of the time. Will you become stronger, or retreat? Kahlil Gribran said, “Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.”

The last three or four reps is what makes the muscle grow. This area of pain divides the champion from someone else who is not a champion. That's what most people lack, having the guts to go on and just say they'll go through the pain no matter what happens.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

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Hugging has no unpleasant side effects and is all natural.  There are no batteries to replace, it's inflation-proof and non-fattening with no monthly payments.  It's non-taxable, non-polluting, and is, of course, fully refundable.

Unknown

When girls get together and greet each other, what the first thing they do when they are in reach of one another? Yup, besides the screaming and cheering and jumping around, they hug. It's like a ritual. First scream at each other. Then run up to each other. Hug while doing small jumps. Then release, hold hands and jump some more. Girls greeting. Guys on the other hand just shake hands. If their closer in their relationship they may pat each other on the back. Another greeting may just be to raise you hands to acknowledge each other, without the huge, vigourous waving that girls do. Some just nod their heads, no shake or raising of hands, let alone a hug.

Now why is it that guys don't hug? Hugging is good. There's that connection when you hug. There's intimacy (in a good way. Not suggesting anything here). It gives you the assurance that you are accepted, that you are loved. Studies show that human contact through hugging is important for development. Babies and children need to be embraced and hugged to be grow hollistically. It boosts and secures their self image. It enforces their identity. The comfort the parents bring when they are able to feel their warmth, their skin touching the skin of their parents, give them the assurance that everything is fine, that they are loved. That's why you pick up and carry a kid when he or she cries. Even when people grow, they still need a hug now and then. When a husband hugs his wife, he assures her of his love for her. When lovers see each other, they just want to embrace each other, to hold each other close.  When parent and child embrace, they reconnect again. There's that level of closeness even though they have been separated for a long time. Times of old comes back again.

So why is it that girls exercise this form of connecting, while guys don't? It's not sissy to want to hug. You don't have to do it like the girls do. Guys can give manly hugs. A wise person once said, "A hug is a handshake from the heart." That speaks volumes of what it can do. Hugs are a silent way of comforting someone. Sometimes people don't need your advice. They just need your assurance. And that you can give by just hugging them, embracing them. Your words may mean a lot, but why not take it one step futher with action? Remember the saying, "Action speaks louder than words"? This is where it applies many times fold. A hug gives weight to those words you say.

So people, especially guys, don't be afraid to hug. I like the "homey" handshake because there's a hug at the end. Dads, embrace your sons. It's easy to hug your daughters because it feels natural, but don't limit it to just them. Your sons need your embrace too, your physical expression of your love for them. Friends, hug. It brings you closer. Someone said, "A hug is the shortest distance between friends." Guys, don't let the girls have all the fun. You never know when your hug could be the very thing your friend needs. And not just will the person you hug be blessed, you will to because you can't give a hug without getting a hug (Unknown). When you don't know what to give, give a hug. "A hug is a great gift - one size fits all, and it's easy to exchange." Unknown. So go and give someone this great gift of a hug. You never know what you'll see or get.

Sometimes it's better to put love into hugs than to put it into words.

Unknown

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